The Time I Picked Up a Guy at a Bar

Meeting guys at bars is a tough call these days. For me, when I go out,
I’m out with my friends and don’t want to spend my time talking to a complete rando unknowing if he is just trying to pick me up for a one night stand or not. Plus, I’m incredibly picky, so if the guy isn’t drop dead gorgeous and doesn’t have a perfectly witty pick-up/opening line, then chances are I won’t give them my time. As I said, I’m there with my friends to have fun, not network.

Flip it around, and guys don’t have it all that easy either. Their chances of a girl being receptive to him approaching her is 1 in 5. She will either think he is a creep, already have a boyfriend, not be interested, be having a girls’ night out…or will take interest in him. All in all, finding a match at a bar is increasingly difficult for everyone.

Early September 2013, my friends and I were having a Sunday Funday brunch at a local bar to kickoff the start of football season. Midway through the game, a group of guys were seated a few tables from us, and one tall, scruffy guy caught my eye. People weren’t mingling around at this bar, so I knew there was no chance we would cross paths and start talking. So before we left, I wrote my number on a napkin, went up to him at his table of friends, gave him my number, and then bolted. I imagine myself being incredibly awkward…but it worked! He texted me saying he was flattered and impressed by my boldness. We planned to meet up that week. Brace yourself, this is one of my few two-part tales.

approaching a guy at a bar

For our first date, we met at the bar around the corner from me. (Funny enough, this is the first first date I had here; it has since seen me have numerous other first dates, so I can only imagine what the servers think of me.) He was a bit better looking from far away, but hey, he wasn’t bad. Per usual, I still found flaws.

Problem #1: Total Bro
Right off the bat, it was obvious that this guy was a bro. One of the first things he told me was how that Sunday ended with him and his friends getting so wasted that he had to go into work an hour late. Honestly, I didn’t care so much about that because I can appreciate an aggressive Sunday Funday here and there. But – and yes, this is why I’m picky – it was the bro-ness in his voice when he told the story that just screamed “SHOTS FOR DAYS! I AM A BRO!”

total bro fist pump

Guess what? That’s the only major problem I found on that first date. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel any chemistry, but it was definitely worth another shot.


One Drink Wonder

Somehow, most dates I go on end up being at least two hours where I have at least three drinks. This next date – also from Coffee Meets Bagel – lasted less than an hour, and we only had one drink (thankfully). Here are the major reasons why:

Problem #1: Chronic Swearer
I will be the first to admit that I swear; most people do. But when you have the mouth of a sailor in public with a total stranger that you should be trying to impress, it is not attractive. This guy was dropping F-bombs left and right. He also was not a quiet guy, so I wasn’t even the only person who had to endure the string of curse words that he was just rolling off.

chronic swearer

Problem #2: Juan Pablo Syndrome
No explanation necessary. Classic case of the guy who loves to hear himself talk about how awesome he thinks he is.

helga dos equis

Problem #3: Judge Judy
It sounds hypocritical for me to say I don’t like guys who judge people when I have a blog dedicated to doing just that. But I’m not on a date with you right now. While we were having our one drink, this guy made a comment about how he thought our bartender was overweight (she wasn’t), how the woman on TV’s boobs were showing too much (he was kind of right…but stop looking at her boobs), and he even had the nerve to criticize what I was drinking. He wasn’t poking fun at it; he was straight up judging Regina George-style. Whatever, I just didn’t let him buy me another drink. I said I had to catch the T and peaced out.

judge judy

To date, this is the only date I went on and didn’t even attempt to offer to pay.

Anesthesiologist: Round Two

After a somewhat successful first date with the anesthesiologist, I agreed to go out with him again about a week later.  Of course, he obviously was not too bad because you will not see me being okay with meeting up with someone that I am not at least intrigued by.  However, this time around, I began to notice a few more areas where he was less than perfect.

Problem #3: Dull
Being an anesthesiologist, the conversation about his career was interesting on the first date.  It became much less interesting on the second date.  I quickly learned that with the exception of his job, he really did not have much going on.  Aside from the times that his Total Bro-ness was obnoxiously over the top, I was pretty bored and unamused.

dull and bored

Problem #4: Bad Kisser
The first goodbye kiss is always awkward to some degree.  It is even more awkward when only one person actually wants to kiss the other.  This is the situation I found myself in at the end of this second date.  It’s not like I had a miserable time (any date with food involved is always at least a little enjoyable), but I was just not feeling the vibe.  I wasn’t into it, and I had zero desire to kiss him.  But he wanted to kiss me, and I knew it.  I awkwardly tried to avoid it by sidestepping into a hug, but he got his hands on my hips and went for it.  What made it so bad?  Well, start by putting your lips on the back of your hand.  Now without taking your lips off of your hand, say the word “HOW” three times very fast.  That was how he kissed.

bad kisser

And with that, I finished my final date with the anesthesiologist.