Expanding My Horizons to the Online Dating World

It was about two winters ago that I suddenly realized it had been over a year since my last relationship, and I had not been on one date. This didn’t bother me since I was happy with my life and didn’t feel a need to be with someone. Still, I thought it was time I get back into the game and try to meet someone. The biggest question was how.

Online dating Tinder was introduced to me. First it was more of an amusing app that let you waste time just judging people, but it got interesting once the messages started. If you know anything about the people on Tinder, then you know that many of them make you want to lock your doors and run for the hills rather than meet up and actually get to know them better. However, there was one guy who seemed normal and didn’t actually lead with something like “spit or swallow?” We got to talking and decided to meet up for a date.

At this point (December 2012), my pickiness had not yet fully evolved, so he had it easy compared to guys today. He was scruffy, was able to make normal conversation over text, and was in med school. Check, check, and check. Here is how it went down, one issue at a time…

Problem #1: Inconvenience
If you are going to insist on picking a girl up, then you should probably make sure you know how to parallel park first. He said he “couldn’t fit” into the spots we found near the bar and ended up parking a good ten minutes from the bar. Mind you, it was winter, so the date was already off to a bitter start.

parallel parking

Problem #2: WTF Are You Wearing
Don’t get me wrong; I think scrubs are great because doctors are great. But blue pajamas have no place in a bar. Oh yeah, and this guy was still wearing his stethoscope around his neck. I didn’t show up at the bar with my sales phone headset on my head, and so please leave all syringes and other medical tools at work…or at least in the car.

throwing headset

Problem #3: Male-on-Male Tendencies
This guy was into boxing. Really into boxing. He told me everything from his entire timeline of playing the sport to the full history of boxing in the Olympics. That is all fine and good, but the next part is what threw me. He said that when he and his buddies go out and get drunk, they usually end up back at his apartment, shirts off, wrestling each other and rolling around all over the place together. If being naked with other dudes is something a guy is into, then I am totally cool with that!  However, I am not so thrilled if that is a favorite pastime of a guy who is on a date with me.  I know I am picky, but I don’t think that’s something any girl would want to learn on a first date.

slap fight

And like almost most guys I go on first dates with… Problem #4: Juan Pablo Syndrome
Guys, sorry to break it to you, but you are not the most interesting man in the world. Even if you are, it is at least common courtesy to ask the girl about herself too, no matter how insignificant you may think any response is compared to yours. Maybe you aren’t a good conversationalist, maybe English is your second language, or maybe you aren’t good at asking questions. Well, I am in sales, so I usually ask most of the questions anyways. I make it easy for you to just murmur “y tú?” after your response. When all you say is “it’s okayyyyy” or just completely disregard the fact that I may have thoughts of my own, well, I don’t like dat. So with Tinder boy, I left the date knowing all about his pursuit towards a medical degree, about every boxing match he had in college, and about his naked fights with friends. He left the date knowing maybe a few quick facts about me.

dos equis man

Two days later, he asked me on a second date. I swiped left.

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