Named after the man himself. Who, you ask? Well, in case you didn’t devote two hours every single Monday during the first few months of 2014 watching ABC’s The Bachelor, then here’s a quick clip which sums up why Juan Pablo embodies one of the most common problem I see guys exhibiting on dates:
To be clear, I obvi don’t expect my date to be asking me serious questions about topics like my political views or how I want to raise my kids someday – dear Lord, that would be an entirely different problem of its own. But Andi hits in on the head when she says “I just never honestly feel like you were trying to get to know me” and at another point she says “I’ve never been with someone who has asked me so little about myself and when I try and tell you stories it’s like you have another story; immediately you have another story.” Unfortunately, by the time Andi came to these realizations, she was already far into the relationship (and by far, I mean a few weeks… which in the anomalous world of the Bachelor is practically an eternity). As an avid watcher of that season, though, I’ll tell you that it was clear very early on that Juan Pablo didn’t seem to ask any of the girls many questions at all. If he wasn’t making out with a girl, then he was talking about himself or his daughter.
Fortunately, we can all learn from this showing of self-absorption and realize it in our own dating experiences. To be honest, I am shocked that it is such a common problem because I thought it was simple Dating 101 knowledge that you want to get the other person talking – more specifically, the girl. You don’t even have to take my word for it. Take the word of every girl’s man crush Ryan Gosling; his character in Crazy Stupid Love preaches the importance of not talking all about yourself:
Now, I’m not trying to say that every guy that talks about himself all the time is completely self-absorbed. Perhaps he is nervous. Or wants to impress me. Or something. But let’s be real, it isn’t hard to take a breather after talking about yourself and ask the person you are on a date with, “And how about you?” The other person might be boring as hell, but it’s just courteous to act like you care about getting to know them. (Plus, I’m willing to bet that you aren’t actually as incredibly interesting as you think you are.) This also does not only apply to first dates. Like in Andi’s case, it might take some time to suddenly realize that you know a whole lot more about them than they know (or have ever cared to try to know) about you.
So daters…if you realize halfway through the date that you are out of breath and know very little about the person next to/across from you, then you have the Juan Pablo Syndrome.