I finally ruled out the pompous guy after our second date, and around mid-March I came across a very attractive guy on OKCupid. He was completely my type looks-wise, and he seemed normal and was well-traveled. I messaged him, and we had several long messages back and forth before making plans to meet up.
First Date Problems: None
Going into our first date, I was the most excited I had been for a first date since the one I had with the Hinge guy I liked. We met at a bar near my office, and I was pleasantly surprised to see he looked just like his pictures. He was even more interesting than I had imagined and had already done so much with his life. Even better, as far as the “problems” go, there were none. He asked me about myself, he didn’t swear, he wasn’t a total bro, and he paid for all of our drinks.
Sounds like a recipe for online dating success, right? Well, not exactly. That “something” was missing. Still, I wanted to give it a chance because aside from the fact that he liked anime and talked kind of like Sean Connery, he had me feeling intrigued..
Second Date Problems: Sober…But He Got Me Interested by Talking about Other Girls Wanting to Bang Him
Despite date #1 being rather successful, I found myself being more excited for the sushi we were going to eat than to see him again. Dinner ensued much the same way that drinks did the date before. He was super interesting, he wanted to learn more about me, and he paid for dinner. He wasn’t drinking because he drove in (again), but the sushi was so good that I was okay with a sober date.
Now, he said one thing during dinner that might completely turn most girls off. However, it has the opposite effect on me because mimetic desire has always been a major thing that affects my interest level in a guy. My date told me how in Bali, these two Australian girls had stalked him out of the club and found his hotel room because they wanted to bang him so badly (he claimed he was passed out cold…debatable).
Most girls would be like “WTF dude?! Why are you telling me this?!” But me, on the other hand, I think it’s great. 1) It got me thinking about having sex with him. But even more, 2) if those other girls found him so desirable, then obviously there is reason for me to too.
He drove me home and kissed me goodnight. Neither sushi nor hot Australian girls wanting him helped me feel that “X Factor” with him. I was ready to call it quits, but I wanted to like him. Plus, my roommates and a number of expert relationship bloggers preach the importance of being patient, and so I agreed to my first third date in months.
Third Date Problems: Still Not Drunk…But We Made Out!
We met up on Saturday, and seeing as he is able to get into the city rather easily by public transportation, I said he should try to come in that way and we could meet up nearby the stop he would be getting off at. He made a suggestion for a dinner place, but when I arrived, he proceeded to tell me that he drove in. WTF?! The whole purpose of having him not drive in was so that he would actually have more than one drink. He also told me that he forgot his wallet, and so it looked like I was going to be footing the bill for dinner and drinks (fortunately, he had a Visa gift card, which surprisingly had enough money to cover most of what we ordered).
He was putting some moves on me during the date, which was good since I was beginning to become convinced that maybe I wasn’t feeling “it” with him because we just hadn’t really done anything physical yet. So as we walked to his car for him to drive me home, I pulled him aside and made out with him for a short while. I will admit that I think it helped boost my interest level. I left the date feeling a little bit better about going out with him for a fourth date. Not thrilled, but at least intrigued again.
The Almost Fourth Date & Why I Never Saw Him Again
That following Saturday, my friends and I were going to a casual day drinking event for a local charity. Since we were unable to meet up earlier that week, I invited him to come join us with his friends. I figured this would be a fun way to see him again while also getting to see what he is like around his friends and preliminarily determine if he meshes with my friends. But no dice. He responded, “I’m actually trying to cool down with the drinking. Been a bit too much lately.”
I first want to say that I am absolutely okay with people who don’t drink. I love many people who don’t drink, and I know that there are endless reasons why people choose not to drink. However, I choose to drink. My closest friends choose to drink. I’m not an alcoholic (although my doctor would probably think I am if I didn’t lie about my weekly drink count), but I’m definitely a social drinker. While it would be great to have someone who could act as my personal DD all the time, I would prefer to date someone whose lifestyle is more in line with mine at this point in my life. This guy and I were just clearly on different levels, and so I decided to stop seeing him. Cheers!