Most Memorable Dates of 2014

In honor of the year coming to a close, today I am counting down my top 5 most memorable dates of guys that I went on dates with in 2014.  It’s not based off of any stats or anything, so if you disagree and think that someone else deserved a top spot, then holler at me below.

new year begins

Fifth Place: The Screaming Australian (Read: The Land Down Under)
Who knew kissing could be so painful and a 90-second blowjob could result in such a deafening reaction?

Fourth Place: The Picky Eater (Read: Picky Dater Meets Picky Eater)
For his sake, I hope 2015 brings less cinnamon sugar and more intense vegetables.

Third Place: The Guy Who Called Me Out While On a Date with Another Guy (Read: Overbooked and Caught Red-Handed with OKCupid and then Dating Déjà Vu)
If any of you readers end up planning multiple dates with different people within the span of a week, then I really hope you don’t get spotted by one guy while on a date with another.

Second Place: The Guy I Recycled (Read about the first time around with this guy: From Dating to Hooking Up & Everything In Between and then Don’t Settle for Less Than You Need; Read about this time around: Recycling Seemed Like a Good Idea at First… then …Until You Realize You Have the Same Tainted Goods You Discarded in the First Place)
Reflecting on 2014, this was the only guy that I actually really liked – buuuuut I also recognize that it was almost entirely based on shallow reasons.  Nevertheless, the wedding that he invited me to is still a favorite story among my friends.  If you were to only read one of the posts about him, read the last one.

First Place: The Pompous Douchebag (Read: The Attractive Pompous Douchebag, then How to Do Everything Wrong & Get a Second Date (Pizza), and then Sex at Dawn without a Kiss)
This guy somehow managed to become my favorite bad dating story and still get a second date – which was equally bad (if not worse) than the first date.

Well, that’s it.  Thanks for following me!  Here’s to an even better 2015.  CHEERS!

champagne toast

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Adrian Grenier’s Doppelgänger

To finally close the loop on the dates I listed in a post I made near the end of October, here is my update on the Adrian Grenier lookalike.

adrian grenier lookalike

If you remember that post, then you’ll recall that we were about to go out on our third date. Spoiler alert: that was my last date with him. I’ll indulge you on our short-lived, almost-but-not-really-close-at-all romance; however, I’ll also admit upfront that there’s no crazy or hilarious stories. This is just another one of your classic Picky Dater apathetic/asexual dating tales.

Date #1: No Problems, but No Butterflies
The first date went well in that he didn’t give me any reasons to NOT go out with him again. He looked like his pictures, he overestimated his height by only two inches max, and we had plenty to talk about. He was also such a gentleman with the tab: he paid for everything even though he had gone well out of his way (in the pouring rain!) to meet at a bar that was convenient for me. We even kissed goodbye, and it was actually the most natural and not awkward first kiss I’ve had in a while. Despite all this, I just didn’t feel those butterflies that seem to be necessary for me to get excited for a second date. Here’s how I explained it to one of my close friends:

adriantext1

Pretty apathetic, huh? Well, if you keep up with me, then you know the reason I agreed to a second date is all thanks to this guy.

Date #2: Good but Not Great
The place he suggested for our second date was no more than three minutes walking from my apartment, and so it was convenient enough to lock me into next plans. It was pretty much a repeat of our first date in that (once again) he gave me no reasons to NOT go out with him again. He was interesting, smart, and hardworking. I insisted on paying for everything, which he did let me do (to be clear: I wanted to pay for it, so I’m not knocking him for this).  We kissed goodbye again, and it was definitely a great second kiss. But for whatever reason, my feelings for him were still very blahhh.

adriantext2

Date 3: Drinks on Drinks on Drinks
For the third date, I finally went to his neck of the woods. Because I was coming from the gym, I was a total bag lady and asked if I could leave my workout stuff at his place (we were meeting at his apartment anyways, so it didn’t involve any change in plans). I did that, and we went to a Mexican place a few blocks away. Thankfully he was absolutely nothing like the picky eater, and so I was able to enjoy some pretty decent guac and this coconut chicken and salsa entrée (not exactly sure what it was, but it was pretty great). After that – and a few margs – we went to a bar a few doors down. Three or four more drinks later, we were walking back to his place, making out along the sidewalk every few minutes like two teenagers who can’t makeout at home because they still live with their parents. Once at his apartment, we made out, played darts, made out some more, and he tried to convince me to stay the night.  It was semi-tempting but my desire to do that was trumped by how much I didn’t want to deal with waking up early enough to get back to my apartment and still get to work on time. So that was the end of that date.

adriantext3

The Almost Next Dates
Since I was out of town that weekend and he was in California for work the entire week after that, we set loose plans for the following week.  By the time that came around, I wasn’t feeling too up for it, but I figured since I hadn’t had sex in months I’d just go on this date, stay the night with him, and maybe that would make me like him more – or, at the very least I would get laid. But when it came down to the day of our date, I still wasn’t looking forward to it enough. Add that to the fact that I had a horrible headache, and so I just called him and told him I wasn’t feeling well and we’d have to take a rain check.

adriantweet1

After I bailed on date #4, I suggested that we try to meet up while we were out on Friday. But when Friday came around, I just didn’t feel like having him join me and my friends… plus my friend’s attractive co-worker was out with us soooo that had my attention more than the Adrian doppelgänger did.  I ended up putting my phone on airplane mode so his calls and texts wouldn’t go through and so that he did not necessarily think I was ignoring him. (Yes, I recognize that that was a completely pathetic tactic.) Once I was home and off airplane mode, I saw that he had texted me. I never ended up texting him back.

ignore it go away

About a month and a half later, I ran into a friend that I knew had run track with this guy back in college. I mentioned how we had gone on a few dates and also made sure I said nothing but good things about him (which wasn’t hard since it’s not like I had anything really bad to say). The next day the Entourage lookalike texted me. After a little small talk, it led to this:

adriantext 4

Although I used to be all about the fade away, lately I do make a point to let the guys know and offer some sort of explanation.  But for whatever reason, I just didn’t do it with this guy, and so I was happy I got a second chance to put a close to it. He didn’t respond, but I didn’t expect him to. And yeah… that was that. I told you it wasn’t a very exciting story.

So after all of that, I think it just became that much more obvious that it’s really difficult to force yourself to like someone, especially in an online dating situation. I kept going on more dates with this guy because I didn’t not like him, not because I did actually like him. Had we gotten to know each other through a more organic situation such as meeting and hanging out through friends… then who knows? But it’s a lot tougher when every scenario that you meet up is a bonafide date.  That’s my schpeel.

Ron Swanson Not Interested

And if ya’ll are interested, here’s a podcast that I really liked on the subject of having (or not having) butterflies: Dating Butterflies: Are They Necessary?

Picky Dater Meets Picky Eater

No more than 15 minutes after examining the sidewalk with my first date, I was off to the bar where I was going meet my second date of the evening. Now, if you’ll recall, I was way more excited for date #1 than #2, and seeing how fabulously that went, you can imagine how super thrilled I was to spend time with someone I was already not overly interested in. Whatever, I sucked it up and figured at least this date would involve alcohol.

there will be alcohol

Problem #1: Kinda Catfish
Guys lie about their height; that’s something I have just come to accept. But this guy was really doing himself an injustice with how blatantly he lied in this category. When he approached me at the bar, I don’t think there is any possibility that I could’ve masked the disappointment on my face. He listed himself as 5’8″, but he was shorter than me. Mind you, I’m 5’5″ and was wearing flats, so there is zero possibility that he was 5’8″.

best liar award

To make matters worse, he was thin and just clearly didn’t spend much time lifting at the gym.  I am not looking for a GTL Ronnie character by any means, but I also don’t want to feel like I am dating a freshman in high school.  Sorry for being a bitch, but I would prefer if onlookers didn’t immediate think that I was taking advantage of an innocent underage boy.  If he had a similar body as the Hinge guy I liked last year who stood at 5’7″, then this date may have been off to a little bit better start.  But he didn’t, and when I explained what he was like to my friends afterwards, I said it in the type of voice you would use when describing a cute puppy or an adorable baby. He was just so little and precious!

Seriously though, I think it’s time that I lie and say I’m 5’9″.

Problem #2: Food Compatibility

As part of my picky regiment when perusing online dating sites, I systematically weed out all the vegans, vegetarians, and obsessive-compulsive healthy eaters. I figure the remaining bunch that I’m left with is similar to me and will eat pretty much anything.  This guy didn’t answer the “Diet” question on OKC, but in one of his earlier messages to me he referenced chicken parm and pizza, so I took that to mean that our food compatibility was high.

Like I said, I got there first and went to the bar because I assumed we were just going to do a low-key drinks-only date.  After he arrived, he asked if I wanted to get a table (note: if you get a table at this place, you are obliged to get something to eat too).  Just drinks was a-okay with me, but he practically insisted that we get a table.  I was super hungry, so pshhh, I wasn’t going to fight him on it.

im starving

I had eaten at this bar a number of times before, and everything from the apps to the entrees to the sides were incredible.  Let me list off a sampling of a few of my personal favorites:

  • Mussels with the most amazing sauce
  • Cheese fondue with melt-in-your-mouth pretzel bread
  • Sweet potato gnocchi that requires no further explanation
  • The burger definitely makes my top 10 in the city
  • Brussel sprouts that stink up the room but are literally everything

Remember, that’s just my list of favorites; it doesn’t include other amazing dishes like their bomb cheese & charcuterie plate, the beef tartare, or the oysters.  I was sure that he was going to have a field day once he took a look at this menu, but his reaction was seriously lacking the ooh‘s and ahh‘s that I was expecting.  I rambled off my recommendations, told him that I was totally up for trying any of the other items on the menu, but yet, there was no reaction from him.  It looked like he was intensely studying the menu, and then finally he looked up and said, “I’m a really picky eater.”

Hmmm… okay.  That’s fine.  I used to be a picky eater when I was younger.  I can deal with this.  I tried to get a sense for what he liked to eat:

Me: “Ok, so what kinds of food do you like?”
Him: “Cinnamon sugar.”

laugh at that

Me (laughing inside): “Oh…. what do you mean?”
Him: “Well, every morning I have a cinnamon sugar bagel.  Then every day for lunch I have a peanut butter sandwich with cinnamon raisin bread.”

Red flags.  Red flags everywhere.  I’m all for routine…. but holy shit.  I didn’t believe that he had this every day, but he confirmed it.  He eats a peanut butter sandwich for lunch.  Every. Single. Day.

Me: “So then what do you have for dinner?”
Him: “Chicken.”
Me (somewhat relieved… or so I thought): “Oh nice.  How do you usually make it?”
Him: “Idk.  The normal way, I guess.” (I ask him to clarify.) “Like on the stove.” (Pulling teeth to get more details.) “With pepper.” (OMG.) “I also like chicken parm a lot.”

I decided to settle with that answer, and then we got back to the menu.  Since I was okay eating anything, I told him to pick something he liked.  With the expression he was making, you would have thought that the restaurant was offering a Fear Factor-like delicatessen.  He needed some help.

Me: “It looks like they have chicken wings; those are probably good.  The warm pretzels with mustard and cheese seems pretty simple.  Or if you are more of a salad kind of person, then I’m sure you’ll like any of these. Oh!  And this one has goat cheese on it!  Anything with goat cheese is amazing.”
Him: “I’ve never had goat cheese.”
Me: “WHAAAT!?!  Why?!”
Him: “I don’t like how it comes from a goat.” (I’m confused.)  “It’s just weird.  I’d rather it come from a cow.”
Me: “So what kind of cheese DO you like? American?”
Him: “Mozzarella.”

embarrassing yourself

The cheese situation ruled out a good chunk of the menu, so he finally decided upon something: the chicken wings and a side order of fries.  Eventually, we found our way back onto the conversation of his food habits.

Me: “Other than chicken and cinnamon sugar, what else do you eat?  Like do you ever eat vegetables?
Him: “Yeah, but only mild vegetables.  Such as carrots and squash.”
Me: “Mild? So what constitutes itself as an, um, intense vegetable…? Like asparagus?”
Him: “Actually, asparagus would be closer to mild.” (Shocking, because I’d consider it to be more intense.) “But like broccoli and spinach.”

The food came, and as expected, it was awesome.  The wings did have a bit of an unexpected kick, but nothing unbearable by any means – and trust me, I don’t handle spicy very well.  He, on the other hand, was struggling.  It was literally painful watching him try to eat them.  By the end of the meal, I had finished at least 5 wings clean to the bone.  He…barely finished one.

too hot food

Problem #3: Dull

I’ll keep this brief because I have already ripped on this guy enough.  Let’s just say that my fascination in his picky eating habits was the most interesting thing about him.  He had never traveled outside of the country, he didn’t play any sports, and he didn’t seem to have any hobbies.  From what I gathered, his routine consists of waking up, going to work, eating a peanut butter sandwich, getting home, watching the Amazing Race, and going to bed.

taking naps a hobby

All this being said, I do want to say that my date was a total sweetheart.  He seemed really nervous throughout the date but was a complete gentleman throughout.  I was actually VERY insistent that I pay for the entire bill, but he was adamant on treating me… to everything – even though he ate practically nothing.  So despite the fact that I am a horrible person for exposing all of the negatives about my dates, this guy really was a very genuine person who does deserve credit for that.

Oh, and he didn’t judge me at all when I got the leftover wings and fries wrapped for lunch the next day…

leftovers