Random Reflections on 2014

As I was going back and deciding who was worthy of making my Top 5 of 2014 list, I started to realize that there were a number of ways that I have, um, evolved, I guess you would say.  Then this weekend I was lying in bed thinking of any reason to avoid getting out of it really reflecting on what I’ve learned and how I’ve changed over the past year (really sappy, I know).  Instead of writing it for myself in the Notes section of my iPhone where I have all my New Years Resolutions for the past few years saved, I figured I’d post this one here.  So even if you all don’t gain anything from reading this, at least I’ll have an extra backup in case my phone runs away from me again (pshhh… you thought I’d let myself LOSE a phone twice in one year? of course it ran away from me) or someone decides to hack the cloud for the sole reason of accessing my weight loss goals of 2012.

Ladies and gentlemen, in no particular order, my random thoughts on 2014:

1) Sometimes closure is exactly what you need to get over someone.

As far as dating/relationships go, getting closure from my last relationship was by far the best thing I did in 2014.  Had that not happened, I would probably still be secretly hung up on him which over three years later would be almost as pathetic as AshLee’s obsession with Graham on Bachelor in Paradise.  But as a side note, people, don’t be making false promises to someone you really care about just to try to make him/her happy in the moment.  It’s just not cool.

ashlee social media graham

2) Where oh where is Juan Pablo?

Let’s see how many references to The Bachelor I can fit in one post.  Well, when I was looking back on some of my earlier dates of 2014, I remembered just how many more guys had the JP Syndrome back then compared to guys I’ve gone out with the last few months.  I don’t think I’ve done anything differently, so maybe I just happen to be going out with people who are more curious to actually get to know me.  Or maybe more guys watch The Bachelor than we think and have morphed themselves into Midwest souls like Chris Soules (ha, I amuse myself).  Guys: when you can’t hang out on Monday afternoon, I secretly know exactly what you are doing watching.

hey everybody chris harrison

3) So, about the First Date Check problem…

I’ll be honest, especially when I first started dating out of college and even still for most of 2014, I was a stickler about the First Date Check problem and seriously judged someone if they allowed me to split the check with them on a first meeting.  Still being honest here, I DO think it is in guys’ best interests to plan on footing the bill on a first date because believe it or not, I’m not the only person who is/was super picky about this.  Plus – and I admittedly still fall into this category – many girls just appreciate the old-fashioned chivalry that movies and TV shows showed us growing up.  All this said, I have begun to recognize that I don’t necessarily care TOO much about splitting on the first date anymore.  I’m not exactly sure what changed, but here’s my feelings (as of right now, at least): if we meet in a mutually convenient area or especially if he goes out of his way to go somewhere close to me, then by all means, let’s split it.  Honestly, sometimes I don’t even care if I pay for everything.  However, if it takes over 35 minutes and/or a $25 Uber ride for me to meet somewhere close to him, then I expect him to pay (I’m looking at you, Pompous Douchebag and Subway Kisser).

clarissa date meter

Thanks, Clarissa.

4) …and about the Second Date Hold Up

I used to think that if I wasn’t into a guy after the first date, then it was completely okay for me to just ignore him when he reached out again until he got the point.  Lately, though, I try to be better about giving these fellahs an explanation… buuuut it doesn’t always happen.  Then one of my good friends recently made an excellent point that makes so much sense to me: the first date check problem is the equivalent of the second date hold up.  In other words, if we are going to expect a guy to pay on the first date, then us girls should be obliged to respond when they ask us out again – even if that means somehow telling them we are not interested.

the second date hold up

5) Everyone should learn to travel alone and take some time with the #1: YOU.

It can be good for the soul.

happy being alone

6) I need to be pickier with my online dates.

Say whaaaa?! Sounds ridiculous since this whole blog is about how picky I am, but there are actually a lot of dates that I agree to go on with people that I am only semi-interested in based on their profiles and our brief messaging before meeting.  The result?  I’m not excited to meet up with them and they very rarely see a second date.  On the other hand, the first Hinge date I went on was with someone who I was super attracted to on the app, which led to me being SO excited for the first date… and I ended up really liking him.  I was also excited for the Sean Connery sober man and even though my interest in him waned with each date, the first one was still way more successful than my first dates with guys I wasn’t all that into.

picky shoes and eating

7) I need to be less picky when I meet someone in person.

If you don’t know me, you are probably quick to assume that I have always been picky.  Fair assumption, but back in high school and college I actually used to date/hookup with an array of people including a scrawny redhead, a guy shorter than me, someone who grew literally zero facial hair, and, well, you get the picture.  Basically, I wasn’t really THAT picky.  So this year, I resolve to try to be more open-minded if a guy I’m not immediately attracted to introduces himself to me and also isn’t one of the 99% of the population in a relationship.

lower your expectations

8) I need to grow some balls and start approaching good-looking guys again.

I also need to start wearing my glasses – or finally get Lasik – so I get better at determining when someone is good from far but far from good.  Being less awkward could help as well.

pocahontas greeting

9) Our friends aren’t very good at setting us up – with anyone.

I’m convinced that the cure to my pickiness is by meeting someone with a good personality through a mutual friend and get to know them through casual group hangouts rather than forced dates.  The problem is that absolutely nobody seems to know any single people that I would be willing to date worthy of me. There has got to be a better way to take advantage of the mutual/third-party connections listed in Hinge.

help a girl out

10) At the end of the day, you gotta date because you want to and not because you need to.

If I’d rather stay in and watch SVU, then that’s what I’ll probably do.  And I’ll be happy doing it.  Self-love, readers, self-love.

im awesome

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