New Year, New Apps, New Date, New Letdowns

We’re not even two full months into 2015, and I have already downloaded and joined 3 or 4 new dating platforms.  That doesn’t sound like a lot… until you realize just how many I already had on my phone to begin with.  I’m not quite ready to admit the total number of dating apps I am presently on, but hey, if it’s a numbers game then I guess I’m setting myself up for finding someone from one of these dating apps eventually.

may the odds be ever in your favor

…Except for the fact that I just haven’t been going on any dates, which I guess defeats that whole line of thinking, huh?  So far, I’ve gone on one date from Hinge, and I’ll tell you upfront that nothing really noteworthy happened.  But I suppose I’ll let you make that judgment.

Problem #1: Inconvenience

I talked on and off to this guy through Hinge for a few weeks until finally we exchanged numbers and made plans to meet up.  I needed a change of scenery, so I didn’t mind making my way to his neighborhood even though it was a good 35 minute trip via public trans.  We were supposed to meet at 8pm, so I shortened my workout after work, rushed home, and started to get date-ready.  I was all dolled up, looking hot, and ready to go.  Right around 7:30, just as I was literally grabbing my coat to leave, I got a text: I just got an email from work and need to do some.  Can we reschedule?

Ummm… NO WE CANNOT.  I just showered, did my hair, and put on makeup.  There are few things worse than having to remove freshly applied makeup that went on right after a shower, am I right?

makeup removal

Also, he’s in sales.  Not customer service, not IT, not finance… sales.  So as someone who is also in sales in the same industry, all I have to say is that there is no reason why in mid-February you should be ditching me for work.

Long story short: I was super annoyed but ended up rescheduling about a week later.  I gave him another shot because a) he looked attractive and b) he was on Hinge, and my previous experience with Hinge guys was usually pretty positive.  Well, I guess 2015 is not Hinge’s year for me, because I didn’t find him that attractive in person.  Aside from that, he qualified for Problem #2: Just Strange: First, he didn’t like guacamole (WHAT!? How can you suggest a Mexican place and not like guac?!).  Second, he made a Star Trek reference about 10 minutes into the date.

talk to the hand

To clarify, he had to tell me it was a reference and then continued on to explain the relevance of the reference; I didn’t pick up on it on my own. Regardless, although it wasn’t a bad date by any means, the stars just didn’t align for a second date.

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OKCupid Asks, “Would You Dump Someone Simply Because They Weren’t Good at Sex?”

Excellent question. Prior to the last guy I dated in 2014, my answer was “No.” His answer was “Yes.”

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I’ve since changed my answer…and he might want to consider doing the same.

Date #1: Dread to Excitement

As I mentioned in #1 of my reflections of 2014, I surprisingly have a tendency to be NOT picky enough when it comes to who I go on online dates with because all too often I agree to meet up with someone only to find myself dreading leaving my apartment to go see him. This was one of those times…but to my surprise, it didn’t have the same usual lackluster ending.  Per usual, I wasn’t crazy attracted to him from the start, but he had scruff and was taller than me, so there was potential. And sure enough, as we started talking I grew to actually find him more attractive. Maybe it was the wine we were guzzling, but I felt like we were really clicking. Not sure if any of you follow me on Twitter, but here’s a snippet of a few Picky Dater thoughts from that night (read from bottom to top):

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We ended up staying at the bar for a solid three hours and there was never a dull moment in the conversation. Believe it or not, I left that date wanting to go on a second one.

excited baby

Date #2: Hungover to Drunk Again

So I guess I’ll let my tweets set the stage again (read bottom to top):

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Aside from the observation that I have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with SVU, hopefully one of your takeaways from this is “OMG the Picky Dater might not be asexual!”  Anyways, a quick summary on what exactly happened on Date #2:

By the time noon came around that Sunday and it was time for me to meet him, my hangover was in full force.  I was considering canceling, but it was way too close to the time we had planned on aaaaand his suggestion for the date was ice cream which was enough to get me out the door.  Ideally, I would have left my place wearing sweats with my hair up in a messy bun, but I decided to be a normal human being and look put-together for this date.

hair whip

We met at a local coffee shop and immediately: WTF Are You Wearing?!  He stole my hungover look and was wearing a fucking hoodie.  And not just any hoodie. It was a purple hoodie. With a massive anchor on it. All he needed were some gym shorts and he would’ve been right up there with the Boston Hater‘s fashion sense.

After the coffee shop, this guy, his hoodie, and I all set off to find this new ice cream shop in the city.  Along the way, we passed a mediocre Mexican restaurant, and he SWORE he read that this place was recognized for having the best fries in the city.  Because, you know, everyone knows that McDonald’s biggest french fry competitors are Mexican restaurants.  He was so sure of it that we went in, and the wait staff had the same reaction as me and thought he needed to get his head examined.  Obviously he was wrong, but now we had reason to get some chips and guac.  We stayed there for a solid 2-3 hours, my hangover passed, we ate lunch, and soon enough I had a margarita in front of me and I was drinking again.

cant say no to tequila

From the Mexican place we FINALLY went to get ice cream.  Once we finished, we went to ANOTHER coffee shop followed by a local bar where we watched football until at least 10pm.  Yep, it was a full-day date… and I was in no rush to leave.  He walked me back to my place, had a quick makeout sesh (outside of my apartment), and we parted ways.

Date #3: From Best Date in a LONG Time to a Really SMALL Ending

By the time we met up for our third date, I felt like I had known this guy for a while and that we had been out way more than just two times prior.  It was a Friday night and we went to a fancy sushi place followed by a fancy bar where we got fancy dessert.  It was honestly the most legit date I have been on in… I don’t even know how long.  So to recap the scene: I was still totally into this guy, we had an amazing date, and he was getting super handsy at the last bar… so I didn’t put up a fight when he suggested we go back to his place.  We started making out, blah blah blah, but his pants were still on.  It seemed like a while for us to make it to the bedroom, and when we did, you can imagine what happened.

wink

Wait.

hold up wait

No.

no im shocked

No. Actually, no you cannot.

NO

The only other time I’ve referenced the “Bedroom Embarrassment” dating problem was with the wailing Aussie, and in that post I said how his size was disappointing but that I wouldn’t go there.  Well, I HAVE to go there this time.  I hate to do it because I feel bad for guys because while girls can go get boob jobs or ass implants, I don’t think there’s much men can do about their size (but I could be wrong, I have no idea).  And just so all of you don’t think I simply have unrealistic expectations, I looked up the average size of a man’s erect penis, and he was about half the size of the the low-average length according to all the articles I read.  We tried again in the morning – “tried” being the key word.  For all I know, he may have felt quite accomplished.  I, on the other hand, was trying to figure out if he was ever inside me.  Yeah… that’s what it was like.  And no… he wasn’t able to make up for it by being really great at anything else.

Date #3.5: One Last Shot

I was obviously really disappointed after Date #3, but because I genuinely had started liking him before that, I didn’t want to just hang up my hat immediately.  So that Sunday, instead of heading right home after leaving my friend’s place, I stopped over to see him with the intention of giving it another go. We did… aaaand put simply, I thought he was still trying to get hard by the time he finished. I stuck around to watch a movie with him afterwards, but when he tried putting moves on me again, I had zero desire to even make out with him. I was frustrated and just wanted to go home. So I did.

dont wanna be here

It was a shitty situation.  I’ve actually had this post completed and ready to go for over a month but was hesitant to publish it because it was such a shitty situation. Aside from his purple sweatshirt, the problem that ended things isn’t anything like all the other “dating problems” which actually have the possibility of being remedied. So there’s that. Also, before anyone goes off on me about how there are probably plenty of ways to work around this size problem, I do have to add one thing: before sleeping with him, if you asked me if I would want to be exclusive with him, then I absolutely would’ve said no. Even though I was growing to like him, there was still something missing. Who knows, I may have been able to find that X Factor if I continued to see him and the sex was good, but the issues in the bedroom set me so off that developing those feelings further seemed impossible. As frustrated as I was about it all, I would have to imagine that he felt the same way or more. I was as nice as possible when I called it finito, and I really do wish him well because he was a great guy.  But hey, let’s all remember that according to his OKC profile, he would’ve been just as quick to kick me to the curb for similar reasons.

And that (finally) wraps up 2014.