50 Shades of Chris

After my happn dating spree, I went back on Hinge and matched with a guy named Chris in early April. To date, I haven’t named any of the guys I’ve gone out with, but there’s a reason I’m naming him, which I’ll get to… after I address the problem (yes, there was only one).

Problem #1: Girl-ish Tendencies

The first thing I noticed was that, hey, he was pretty good looking! But that quickly disappeared once he opened his mouth and had a very high-pitched, girl-like voice. We got seated at a table for two, so we sat across from each other. And yes, he really was good looking and lived up to his profile! However, that voice was just way too distracting.

As we were talking, I noticed another thing that was actually even more distracting than his voice.  While he was just sitting there, he kept shimmying.

shimmy shimmy

Yes, shimmying.


Serious shoulder side-to-side action.  I’d like to see anyone sit across from this and not be distracted.


Ok, yes, I totally get that it could be a nervous habit. But that plus the voice added up to make his good looks disappear for me.

what happened to you

Alright, back to the Chris thing. It was after this date that I went back and noticed how a huge majority of the guys I connect with online are named Chris. And what’s even more interesting is that so many of them don’t fit into my narrow mold of what I consider attractive. Seriously, I think I might just be attracted to the name Chris.

Here are some descriptions of a few Chris profiles that I’m matched up with (and readers, I am just as picky with my swipes as I am in real life, so these guys weren’t an oversight; I just happen to find these Chris guys to be attractive):

  • Selfie-taking motorcycle driver & skateboard rider
  • 5’7″ with no scruff
  • Bald and has surpassed the “dad bod” in weight

You’re probably thinking either, “WTF that’s not like you and something must be wrong” or, “Wow, Picky Dater, maybe you are destined to be with a Chris since they magically make you not-so-picky!”

it's a miracle

Well, my track record with Chrises is not so fabulous…

  • The red head I was obsessed with in college. In addition to being SO far from being my type, he was also an asshole (or he just wasn’t into me as much as I was him, and I prefer to call him an asshole to make myself feel better)
  • The guy from Hinge that I really liked. What a gem… but he also didn’t like me as much as I liked him and chose another girl over me.
  • The original Pompous Asshole. While he continued to text me after even our second date, I was not going to endure another minute with him.

All in all, I have started to wonder if maybe I should steer clear of the Chris men of the world.  But if I do cross paths with another one, I bet he will be his own version of unique. Aaaand you can bet that I will share it with you.

totally going in my blog


One thought on “50 Shades of Chris

Go Ahead, Judge Me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s