No Strings Attached

I’m sure most of you have had an experience where you were seeing a guy (or girl, whoever) you were into and may had even seen the possibility for a potential relationship with that person. You started out dating and things were going great, but then you eventually realized that you’d been doing a whole lot of the casual hang outs and staying in (usually in bed) with that person more than you went out on dates together. Before long, you felt like you had become more of a hookup to this guy/gal than someone that person actually wanted a relationship with.  Can I get an Amen?

amen

This scenario has happened to me before (ahem, my first Hinge guy and at least one other Chris), and it totally sucks.  Well, I should clarify and say it sucked because I actually wanted more than a hookup.  This post is a similar tale of dating-turned-hookup, except I got exactly what I wanted.  Allow me to explain…

After my Bumble fails, I took a break from dating for a few months.  Then in October, I matched with a guy on Hinge who was immediately hilarious to chat with.  I typically can’t stand the messaging part of online dating, but this guy made it more than bearable.  We swapped numbers and soon had a first date scheduled.

Only Dating Problem: Kinda Catfish

The issue wasn’t that he didn’t look like his profile picture.  In fact, he was actually taller than the height he listed, and he looked as attractive as I had expected.  However, his humor from our messages did not carry over into real life. At first I thought it was nerves, but nothing changed after three dates.  What’s worse is that not only did he not make me laugh, but he just didn’t laugh in general.  His goofy level was probably a 1.5 out of 10, and so it was a total letdown from a dating perspective.

no laugh

Ok, so I mentioned I went on three dates with him… but it didn’t take me that long to realize he wasn’t my person.  However, that didn’t discourage me from continuing to see him.  It might make sense if I divulge the progression of our dates and how it led to where things went.

First Date Makeout

This guy was a great kisser.  Not only that: he was great at making out.  Now, you might be thinking, “Isn’t that the same thing?”  NO!  While being an amazing kisser is half the battle, there are a few little underrated moves that end up going a long way:

When the guy has his hand behind your head and pulls you closer.

pulls closer kiss

Take another pointer from Ryan Gosling

When he touches your face while making out.

hands on face kiss

Sensual, eh?

And if things get more heated… When he ventures outside of just kissing your lips (woah, kiddos, all of this is happening above the waist, cool down!).

Obviously there is more to it than this to be a skilled makeout bandit, but I’m not teaching a kissing class here.  All I’m saying is that if you like to kiss people you should not forget these small things.  So basically, this Hinge fellah pulled out all these moves on me, which not only left me swooning, but he also had me thinking he would probably be pretty great in bed.

Second Date Hookup Hookups

We went to a bar near his place for our second date, and afterwards we went back to his place. For approximately half a second I thought I’d try to be a proper lady and keep my clothes on, but then I realized I’m a grown ass woman who will do what she wants!  So we tore each other’s clothes off, and I was far from disappointed with what I saw.  We did adult things, and for the first time since the Hinge guy I really liked back in 2013, I finally found someone who could get it right. Very right.

that's right

The First (Planned) Booty Call

Thanksgiving was that same week, but we were both back in the city that Saturday and had plans to do our separate things… but we also made plans to meet up later.  And it was a mutual understanding that later = after the bars start to close and there’s nowhere to go but bed.  That time rolled around, we were back in touch to figure out location, and soon enough he was in my bed.  For him being the first guy I’d slept with since that Happn guy back in March, I had to wonder why I let my dry spell go on for so many months when getting a good lay could actually be so simple and convenient.

what like its hard

Consistent Booty Calls

We got dinner once more after that (date #3), and it did nothing but confirm that he was not my person and delay what we both were really wanting at the end of the night.  So since then, we just skip right to the point.  We only talk on weekends after at least 7pm to put the initial feelers out there, and then we only see each other after we’re both done with our nights.  The only exception was one Sunday when he had his apartment to himself, so I went over in the middle of the day when we were both sober and took advantage of that opportunity.

Since New Years rolled around, we haven’t seen each other.  We have both reached out to each other several times, but neither of us are ever in the same area at the same time.  I suppose I could always go out of my way, but I haven’t really had a use for him lately… I’ll get to that in my next post.

suspense

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Bumble, Booze, & Breakups

Bumble is one of those dating apps that I had originally downloaded ages ago, but nobody decent was on it at the time.  By the time spring and summer 2015 rolled around, the dating pool of guys in my city on the app had drastically improved.  So, obviously, I attacked it with similar enthusiasm as I did when I first got into OKCupid.  I scheduled dates with two different guys on back-to-back days at the end of July.  These are their stories (queue dramatic SVU “dun-dun” sound).

First Guy, First Date

I met Bumble #1 at a bar after work, and it was one of those days when I was ready to have a drink or two or ten. He had a drink at work and then got to the bar before me, so he was onboard the same booze train as me. It may have been the excitement of the first date, it may have been instant chemistry, or it may have been the booze, but I was pretty pumped that we were hitting it off quickly. We had great conversation and had each other laughing – all the while, still sucking down drinks. We eventually moved to another bar, and to give you an indication of where we were on the drunk scale, I’ll tell you that we started kissing in the bar…which I don’t do sober. We almost went to another bar, but I made the call to go home instead (I did have another date the next day, after all). So we made out a bit then went our separate ways. Overall, it was a great date, and I was totally on board for a second one.

not bad

Second Guy, First Date

From the pictures in his profile, Bumble #2 was really hot. And thank goodness for that because I wasn’t feeling 100% after the drinking date the night before, and his looks were the only thing motivating me to not cancel. He was running late because he had an after work function, so I got to the bar and – surprise, surprise – began drinking.  A drink and a half later, he showed up.  He was definitely good looking, but our conversation took quiiiiite a while to really pick up.  It was just… awkward.

awkward

Fortunately, we continued to drink and the weirdness eventually drifted away.  By the end of the night, I was definitely into him.  He said he wanted to see me again, and then we said goodbye outside of the bar.

After both first dates, I was shocked that I actually had two good dates in a row AND that I wanted to see them both again.  While I found myself more physically attracted to Bumble #2, I was actually way more excited to see Bumble #1 again.  I had dates with both of them scheduled for the next week.

First Guy, Second Date

There is not too much to say about this date.  I definitely went into the night excited to see this Bumble #1 guy again.  We started off completely sober, got some food, and the amount of alcohol we consumed was only a fraction of what we had the week prior.  Fortunately, there was never any awkwardness.  Unfortunately, I began to realize that he had a SERIOUS case of Juan Pablo Syndrome.  However, since we had such a good time on our first date, I decided tried to convince myself that I was just being too critical.  Still, I left the date a bit disappointed because it was a lot of him talking at me with few attempts to ask me about my awesomely amazing life.

im cool

Second Guy, Second Date

After my second date with the first guy, I became even more excited for my second date with Bumble #2.  He had me a bit concerned as I was on my way to meet him because he texted saying he was there and that I’d find him smoking cigs with a group of guys on the bench outside the restaurant.  Cigarette smoking is a big no-no for me, so I literally texted my friends asking WTF I was getting myself into.  To my pleasant surprise, he was completely kidding, and I was apparently just horrible at picking up his sarcasm.  We got sushi and a few drinks, and there was no awkwardness like there was on the first date.  He was great to look at, funny, and managed to both tell me about himself while also asking about me.  Someone has finally mastered this difficult concept!

way to go

Towards the end of the date, he asked me what I was looking for and why I was still single.  Honestly, I really need to get my pitch down because it was not the first time I’ve been asked that nor was it the first time I’ve probably sounded all over the place with my answer.  But anyways,  I said something to the effect of how I am looking for something serious but not willing to just settle down for just anyone, and I am still single because I haven’t found anyone I’ve wanted to get serious with.  I asked him the same question, and he explained how he wasn’t looking for something too serious because he just got out of a bad breakup a few months ago.  He then reiterated that it was a bad breakup. A bad breakup.  He said it so many times that I almost asked him what happened (ugh, I should’ve just asked!).

Anyways, the date ended, and we hugged goodbye.  But before I left, he said he had added me on SnapChat and that he wanted me to add him back.  In my silly girl mind, I was thinking that probably meant he wanted to see me again.  Well, after two or three texts (all initiated by me) throughout the next week and a half, I eventually got the hint that he didn’t want a third date.  I was bummed because I was still into him which is rare coming out of a second date.  But, hey, at least I got a new SnapChat friend…?

yay

First Guy, Third Date

I wasn’t super ecstatic about going on a third date with Bumble #1, but I felt that the first date was too good to let the second mehhh date dictate how I felt about him. We met for sushi (yeah, I apparently was on a roll with the sushi dates), and the first red flag of the night was that he didn’t want to share his sushi.  I’m sorry, but who doesn’t share sushi on a date ever?  The second red flag was when he ordered us a scorpion bowl.  On a Tuesday.

tuesday

Ok, I get that boozing was a big part of our previous dates, but I actually specifically told him I didn’t want to order a scorpion bowl (that amount of sugar in one massive bowl never results in a good feeling the next day).  Nevertheless, he ordered it AND insisted that we finish it before leaving.  I told him no chance and even said that I wasn’t going to be able to stay past 9 – regardless of whether or not the scorpion bowl was finished.  Somehow we finished it, but I was not happy or proud about it at all.

immediately regret

That wasn’t the worst of it, though.  I went into the date making a conscious effort to notice how many times he asked me a question.   With the exception of “what kind of sushi is that?” and “why do you need to leave at 9?”, he asked me ZERO questions about myself. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Nothing.  I promise I am not exaggerating at all.  Juan Pablo, you may have met your match.  As for me, I was done with Bumble #1.

buh bye.gif