Remember when I promised blog posts YEARS ago? And remember when I didn’t make even a draft for Random Reflections on 2017? Yeah… sorry…
Whatever. You’re getting one this year. Why? Because it’s New Years Day, I woke up with pizza in my hair, and I want to get sappy and sound wise, okay?
1) You can’t force someone else to change if they don’t really want to.
So remember that two-year guy? Well, he ended up becoming more like almost-three-year guy. He’s not who I’m talking about with trying to change someone, though, because I knew pretty early on that he wasn’t going to be changing. Instead, I’m talking about me being with him.
Literally every single person in my life told me that he wasn’t good for me and that he didn’t treat me nearly as well as a guy I was investing so much time and energy in should be. I knew they were correct. I even made multiple attempts to end things… but during each one of those times I was deep down still wanting him in my life. I liked liking someone, I liked the convenience, I liked that he was a friend when I needed him to be, and I liked our sex life. So despite how awfully some of his actions affected me, I kept going back.
Same thing goes with other people in my life. There have been relationships that I look at and have been like what the fuck are you doing!? but ultimately it doesn’t matter what I’ve said… I won’t be making up anyone’s minds for them. It’s gotta be from them. Same applies for things other than staying in/leaving relationships. If the person doesn’t completely want to make a change, then they won’t.
How’s that for a super obvious reflection?
2) Once you’re done… block the shit out of ’em.
Like I said, other people weren’t going to convince me to end things with this guy. It needed to be me, and he gave me all of the necessary ammo to finally just be done with it all. In short, history repeated itself for like the 38th time in October, and since then it’s been over. Like ACTUALLY over. Like blocked him on literally every form of anything you can think of kind of over. The mediums I blocked him on include but are not limited to:
How’s it been working out? FUCKING FABULOUSLY. Basically the only way for him to insert himself back into my life would be for him to seek me out in person… and we’ve already had to be in social settings together since then, and I’ve just gone about my night as if he was invisible. Out of sight, out mind.
Moral of the story: if you keep trying to end things with someone but they keep coming back into your life (or you into theirs), then cut off every possible avenue for that to happen again. And keep it that way.
I think what’s been making this clean break so easy for me to get past is that I really don’t have any regrets about what we had. There was a lot about our relationship that I’ll always cherish, and the shitty things that happened all had their silver linings in one way or another. It’s pretty ideal because unlike when things ended with my ex, there are no “what if’s” and I have nothing that I feel needs to be discussed with him anymore. The negative emotions that had been hurting me so much over the last year are finally in the past, and now I’m at the point where I just don’t feel any feelings towards him at all – positive or negative.
Obviously this very basic hashtag extends itself to just about all other aspects of life, but I don’t think you need me explaining more examples. But YOLO, amirite?
4) I am Good Luck Chuck.
No joke, I am Good Luck Chuck. I have a growing list of now-married men who met their wife while or immediately after being with me. I also say I’m the Good Luck Chuck of roommates. All but one of my roommates over the past 8 years moved out to live with their significant other. My pitch should literally be, “Looking for a fast-track serious relationship? Have a boyfriend who won’t commit to the next step? Live with me, and you’ll be in a committed relationship and moving in with the guy before you know it!”
Ladies and gentlemen,
I’m happy to announce that this almost-three-year guy is the most impressive name on my list now. If ever there was an anti-commitment relationship-phobe, he was it. And you guessed it, he is pursuing a full-blown dating/relationship with the girl who was the catalyst to things finally being over with us.
Well, that’s a wrap. Hopefully you’ll see some of these drafts published before I start reflecting on 2019.