No Strings Attached

I’m sure most of you have had an experience where you were seeing a guy (or girl, whoever) you were into and may had even seen the possibility for a potential relationship with that person. You started out dating and things were going great, but then you eventually realized that you’d been doing a whole lot of the casual hang outs and staying in (usually in bed) with that person more than you went out on dates together. Before long, you felt like you had become more of a hookup to this guy/gal than someone that person actually wanted a relationship with.  Can I get an Amen?

amen

This scenario has happened to me before (ahem, my first Hinge guy and at least one other Chris), and it totally sucks.  Well, I should clarify and say it sucked because I actually wanted more than a hookup.  This post is a similar tale of dating-turned-hookup, except I got exactly what I wanted.  Allow me to explain…

After my Bumble fails, I took a break from dating for a few months.  Then in October, I matched with a guy on Hinge who was immediately hilarious to chat with.  I typically can’t stand the messaging part of online dating, but this guy made it more than bearable.  We swapped numbers and soon had a first date scheduled.

Only Dating Problem: Kinda Catfish

The issue wasn’t that he didn’t look like his profile picture.  In fact, he was actually taller than the height he listed, and he looked as attractive as I had expected.  However, his humor from our messages did not carry over into real life. At first I thought it was nerves, but nothing changed after three dates.  What’s worse is that not only did he not make me laugh, but he just didn’t laugh in general.  His goofy level was probably a 1.5 out of 10, and so it was a total letdown from a dating perspective.

no laugh

Ok, so I mentioned I went on three dates with him… but it didn’t take me that long to realize he wasn’t my person.  However, that didn’t discourage me from continuing to see him.  It might make sense if I divulge the progression of our dates and how it led to where things went.

First Date Makeout

This guy was a great kisser.  Not only that: he was great at making out.  Now, you might be thinking, “Isn’t that the same thing?”  NO!  While being an amazing kisser is half the battle, there are a few little underrated moves that end up going a long way:

When the guy has his hand behind your head and pulls you closer.

pulls closer kiss

Take another pointer from Ryan Gosling

When he touches your face while making out.

hands on face kiss

Sensual, eh?

And if things get more heated… When he ventures outside of just kissing your lips (woah, kiddos, all of this is happening above the waist, cool down!).

Obviously there is more to it than this to be a skilled makeout bandit, but I’m not teaching a kissing class here.  All I’m saying is that if you like to kiss people you should not forget these small things.  So basically, this Hinge fellah pulled out all these moves on me, which not only left me swooning, but he also had me thinking he would probably be pretty great in bed.

Second Date Hookup Hookups

We went to a bar near his place for our second date, and afterwards we went back to his place. For approximately half a second I thought I’d try to be a proper lady and keep my clothes on, but then I realized I’m a grown ass woman who will do what she wants!  So we tore each other’s clothes off, and I was far from disappointed with what I saw.  We did adult things, and for the first time since the Hinge guy I really liked back in 2013, I finally found someone who could get it right. Very right.

that's right

The First (Planned) Booty Call

Thanksgiving was that same week, but we were both back in the city that Saturday and had plans to do our separate things… but we also made plans to meet up later.  And it was a mutual understanding that later = after the bars start to close and there’s nowhere to go but bed.  That time rolled around, we were back in touch to figure out location, and soon enough he was in my bed.  For him being the first guy I’d slept with since that Happn guy back in March, I had to wonder why I let my dry spell go on for so many months when getting a good lay could actually be so simple and convenient.

what like its hard

Consistent Booty Calls

We got dinner once more after that (date #3), and it did nothing but confirm that he was not my person and delay what we both were really wanting at the end of the night.  So since then, we just skip right to the point.  We only talk on weekends after at least 7pm to put the initial feelers out there, and then we only see each other after we’re both done with our nights.  The only exception was one Sunday when he had his apartment to himself, so I went over in the middle of the day when we were both sober and took advantage of that opportunity.

Since New Years rolled around, we haven’t seen each other.  We have both reached out to each other several times, but neither of us are ever in the same area at the same time.  I suppose I could always go out of my way, but I haven’t really had a use for him lately… I’ll get to that in my next post.

suspense

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50 Shades of Chris

After my happn dating spree, I went back on Hinge and matched with a guy named Chris in early April. To date, I haven’t named any of the guys I’ve gone out with, but there’s a reason I’m naming him, which I’ll get to… after I address the problem (yes, there was only one).

Problem #1: Girl-ish Tendencies

The first thing I noticed was that, hey, he was pretty good looking! But that quickly disappeared once he opened his mouth and had a very high-pitched, girl-like voice. We got seated at a table for two, so we sat across from each other. And yes, he really was good looking and lived up to his profile! However, that voice was just way too distracting.

As we were talking, I noticed another thing that was actually even more distracting than his voice.  While he was just sitting there, he kept shimmying.

shimmy shimmy

Yes, shimmying.

shimmying

Serious shoulder side-to-side action.  I’d like to see anyone sit across from this and not be distracted.

shimmy

Ok, yes, I totally get that it could be a nervous habit. But that plus the voice added up to make his good looks disappear for me.

what happened to you

Alright, back to the Chris thing. It was after this date that I went back and noticed how a huge majority of the guys I connect with online are named Chris. And what’s even more interesting is that so many of them don’t fit into my narrow mold of what I consider attractive. Seriously, I think I might just be attracted to the name Chris.

Here are some descriptions of a few Chris profiles that I’m matched up with (and readers, I am just as picky with my swipes as I am in real life, so these guys weren’t an oversight; I just happen to find these Chris guys to be attractive):

  • Selfie-taking motorcycle driver & skateboard rider
  • 5’7″ with no scruff
  • Bald and has surpassed the “dad bod” in weight

You’re probably thinking either, “WTF that’s not like you and something must be wrong” or, “Wow, Picky Dater, maybe you are destined to be with a Chris since they magically make you not-so-picky!”

it's a miracle

Well, my track record with Chrises is not so fabulous…

  • The red head I was obsessed with in college. In addition to being SO far from being my type, he was also an asshole (or he just wasn’t into me as much as I was him, and I prefer to call him an asshole to make myself feel better)
  • The guy from Hinge that I really liked. What a gem… but he also didn’t like me as much as I liked him and chose another girl over me.
  • The original Pompous Asshole. While he continued to text me after even our second date, I was not going to endure another minute with him.

All in all, I have started to wonder if maybe I should steer clear of the Chris men of the world.  But if I do cross paths with another one, I bet he will be his own version of unique. Aaaand you can bet that I will share it with you.

totally going in my blog

New Year, New Apps, New Date, New Letdowns

We’re not even two full months into 2015, and I have already downloaded and joined 3 or 4 new dating platforms.  That doesn’t sound like a lot… until you realize just how many I already had on my phone to begin with.  I’m not quite ready to admit the total number of dating apps I am presently on, but hey, if it’s a numbers game then I guess I’m setting myself up for finding someone from one of these dating apps eventually.

may the odds be ever in your favor

…Except for the fact that I just haven’t been going on any dates, which I guess defeats that whole line of thinking, huh?  So far, I’ve gone on one date from Hinge, and I’ll tell you upfront that nothing really noteworthy happened.  But I suppose I’ll let you make that judgment.

Problem #1: Inconvenience

I talked on and off to this guy through Hinge for a few weeks until finally we exchanged numbers and made plans to meet up.  I needed a change of scenery, so I didn’t mind making my way to his neighborhood even though it was a good 35 minute trip via public trans.  We were supposed to meet at 8pm, so I shortened my workout after work, rushed home, and started to get date-ready.  I was all dolled up, looking hot, and ready to go.  Right around 7:30, just as I was literally grabbing my coat to leave, I got a text: I just got an email from work and need to do some.  Can we reschedule?

Ummm… NO WE CANNOT.  I just showered, did my hair, and put on makeup.  There are few things worse than having to remove freshly applied makeup that went on right after a shower, am I right?

makeup removal

Also, he’s in sales.  Not customer service, not IT, not finance… sales.  So as someone who is also in sales in the same industry, all I have to say is that there is no reason why in mid-February you should be ditching me for work.

Long story short: I was super annoyed but ended up rescheduling about a week later.  I gave him another shot because a) he looked attractive and b) he was on Hinge, and my previous experience with Hinge guys was usually pretty positive.  Well, I guess 2015 is not Hinge’s year for me, because I didn’t find him that attractive in person.  Aside from that, he qualified for Problem #2: Just Strange: First, he didn’t like guacamole (WHAT!? How can you suggest a Mexican place and not like guac?!).  Second, he made a Star Trek reference about 10 minutes into the date.

talk to the hand

To clarify, he had to tell me it was a reference and then continued on to explain the relevance of the reference; I didn’t pick up on it on my own. Regardless, although it wasn’t a bad date by any means, the stars just didn’t align for a second date.