By definition, recycle means 1) convert (waste) into reusable material, 2) return (material) to a previous stage in a cyclic process.
The act of recycling in life has a pretty good connotation to it and definitely does good for the earth and for us as humans. The act of recycling in the context of sex is when you sleep with someone you’ve slept with before, and there are benefits that come with this type of recycling as well. For starters, you don’t increase “the number” that you’ve been racking up throughout your lifetime. If you’ve ever seen the movie What’s Your Number? then you know what I’m talking about. Secondly, you
should always usually only choose to recycle previous hookups that were good enough to hop back in the sack with. If you are recycling purely for sex, then you pretty much know exactly what you are getting yourself into, and if everything plays out exactly the way it did the first time around, then you got what you expected.
The act of recycling in the context of relationships is different, and I would argue that the connotation is not so great. Why? Well let’s face it, there was a reason the guy ended up in the recycling bin in the first place. Unlike recycling solely for sex, recycling a relationship rarely comes with the similar sense of contentment if the scenario plays out exactly like it did the first time. Usually when you recycle a relationship, you have hopes that the broken bottle you got rid of before has now somehow evolved into a piece of fine china. I am sure there are stories that exist where this actually did happen…
…this story is not one of them.
Enter: the guy from two years ago. Spoiler alert: I recycled him. Had I recycled him just for the sex, it
would have been a success story would’ve been fine. However, I recycled for a relationship since that’s what I wanted from him when we ended things the first time, and let’s just say Round Número Dos was a letdown and he ended up in the waste bin.
Problem #1: The Hang Out
After we ran into each other, I took the initiative to reach out to him the next morning and just say it was great running into him. He responded but didn’t ask me out. A week or two later he texted me asking what I was up to… at 1am. I basically told him to take a hike and that if his intentions were to just hookup with me then he shouldn’t waste his time. I had made that clear when I ended things before, and I wanted to make sure it was clear that nothing had changed. He said that wasn’t his intention and he wanted to take me out. “Fine, reach out to me at a normal hour then.” A few days passed by, and he did just that; we set a date for a Friday after work.
When that day rolled around, I was really excited which hardly ever happens before I meet people out for dates these days. I arrived at the bar where we were meeting…only to see him with a bunch of his friends (and no, I didn’t know any of them). Hmmm, well maybe they just all went there together but now he will break off from them for our date. Nope, we got our drinks and sat down with them. Even though his friends were cool and I did enjoy myself, I didn’t agree to a hang out. This was not what I call “him taking me out” this was “me tagging along with you and your friends I’ve never met before.” Thanks but no thanks. (I say that, but yet I stuck around. I don’t make any sense.)
Problem #2: First Date Check
Ok, so technically this wasn’t a first date since he had taken me out a few times two years before, but in my book, I was treating this like a first
date hang out. He paid for my drinks at the first bar and then we (yep, his friends included) went to another bar for dinner. The bill comes…and guess what? He had left his credit card at the previous bar, so I ended up covering the tab for both of us. I know I won’t be getting any sympathy points from guys here, but the bill was not cheap by any means. I rationalized it because he had paid for all the dates we went on two years prior and the food at this place was absolutely amazing – plus, somebody had to pay and I knew it wasn’t going to be his friends.
Problem #3: Hot and Cold
Near the end of that same first
date hang out, we eventually broke off from his friends and walked around the city by ourselves. During this time, he told me that he knew exactly what he was doing when he asked me out. He said, “I want to be your boyfriend. I want you to be my girlfriend.” I quote him to make it clear that this was not a situation where I just completely misread what he was trying to tell me. No, this guy literally told me those words. His intentions were to be in a relationship with me, and I absolutely loved how straightforward he was being with me. (Side note: had this been a first date with someone I barely knew and didn’t have any history with, then being that openly intense right off the bat probably would have had me running for the hills.).
Naturally, you would think that I’d hear from him afterwards. Nope. Later the next day I texted him saying thank you and that I had a great time with him. He reciprocated his enjoyment but made no suggestions for a next date. Several days go by, and nothing. I eventually reached out to see if he was free that week, but he said he was busy. No attempts were made to make future plans. Confused because of what he had told me the last time I saw him and pissed off because he had gotten my hopes up, I wrote him off. TWO FULL WEEKS passed by, and then one Sunday morning I received a text from him. But oh no, this was not just a casual text. He asked me to be his date to one of his best friend’s upcoming weddings! Completely shocked yet pleasantly surprised and flattered, I agreed. Readers, I know I make no sense and don’t have much right to complain since I walked right into this déjà vu situation that had most of the same problems that were there before, but my rationale was that I knew we would have a good time together, so what’s there to lose?
The story gets better. Stay tuned.