#Thursdate with Boston Girl & Boston Hater

Today’s #Thursdate is from one of my readers in Boston… and it’s pretty impressive. The date lasted only one drink, and this guy managed to pack in more problems than most guys display over the course of multiple dates.

Pre-Date

The two connected through Coffee Meets Bagel. Although he seemed a bit pretentious based on some of his profile responses and his pictures were a bit blurry, they still scheduled a date to meet after work at a bar. And to properly set the scene, it was a decently nice bar in the Financial District where apparently pretty much everyone shows up in suits or at least some form of business casual clothing.

Problem #1: WTF Are You Wearing

Boston girl arrived at the bar, which was full of professionally dressed men and women.  A few minutes after she got situated, Boston Hater came waltzing in wearing baggy mesh shorts, a t-shirt, knee-high socks, basketball shoes, and disheveled hair.  It looked like he had just come from the gym or a re-creation of Aaron Carter’s “That’s How I Beat Shaq” video…but he hadn’t.  So either this guy is the perfect example of why Queer Eye for the Straight Guy needs to be back on the air, or he was planning to go workout right after the date = he has no patience or respect for his date.  All in all, things were headed downhill before they even greeted each other.

bball outfit

Problem #2: Kinda Catfish

Considering this guy’s profile pictures were blurry, I can only imagine how unenthused Boston Girl was to get a close-up of him after having the misfortune of seeing his outfit.  The good news is that he wasn’t horrible looking and that the fuzzy images he provided weren’t entirely different from how he looked in person.  Buuuut like most guys online, he lied on his height.  Boston Girl was in heels and based on the height he provided, that shouldn’t have been a problem.  So when they were finally face-to-face, he lost some major points for being barely eye-to-eye with her.

youre tall

Problem #3: Judge Judy

The two started talking the usual small talk, which of course includes “where are you from/where did you grow up?”  Boston Hater was from Philadelphia (now living in Boston), and Boston Girl was from Boston (born and raised).  This smooth talker really nailed it with the things he said next:

  • “Boston girls are the worst.  They think they are so hot.”
  • “Boston girls all think they are such hot shit.”
  • “If I’m at a bar, I am always trying to be a gentleman, but then I will see a Boston girl across the bar thinking she is all that.  So I just go up to girls like that and say, ‘you’re not as hot as you think you are’ and walk away.”

Really strange way to direct the conversation seeing as our gal literally just told him that she was, in fact, a Boston girl (not to mention, who the hell randomly goes up to girls and says something like that?!).  It was so bizarre that she interjected shortly after he started his rant and talked about how her family still lives in Boston, how she is still great friends with the girls she grew up with in Boston, how she went to school in Boston.  Basically, she wanted to make sure that he she made it clear that the defendant was in the shower she was from Boston and the group of people he was shitting on included the girl sitting next to him at the bar.  His response?  “Oh, well you’re not one of them.”  Ha, great recovery, dickhead.

shut up

Problem #4: Pompous

Unlike the depiction of his height in photos, the pretentiousness that shined through on his profile was actually a great indicator for what he was like in person.  After he rambled on and on about how he was better than every female in Massachusetts, the conversation shifted to online dating.  Boston Hater admitted that this was his first online date…but the only reason for that was because the Coffee Meets Bagel app was broken.  Wait, huh?  Yep, he explained how Boston Girl was the only match he had gotten so far, which obviously meant that the app wasn’t functioning correctly.  Earth to Matilda: it’s not the app.

nobody likes you

At that point, she had had enough of this delusional guy and said she had to go once she finished her first drink.  She told him “Good luck in Boston!” and expected (and hoped) to never hear from him again.  Funny thing is that he actually thought the date went well and he reached out for a second date.  NOPE.

Good news, though: Boston Girl did eventually find love through Coffee Meets Bagel!  She told me how she and her now-boyfriend were matched through the app and have been together for about a year 🙂  Cheers to love on the East Coast!

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Sex at Dawn without a Kiss

After the attractive pompous douchebag and I had our first date and then he finally learned my name, I agreed to a second date involving pizza, comedy, and hopefully a good long-awaited makeout sesh (it had been about 4 months since I was burned by the Hinge guy I liked and had had any real lip action).

We met in his neighborhood again, but this time it was at least accessible by public transportation.  Because he had a dumb phone, he hadn’t properly mapped out where we were going to get pizza, but we eventually made it to a small sit-down pizza parlor.

Perhaps it was the pizza and beer that was clouding my judgment (which is completely possible) during this first part of the date, but I was genuinely enjoying myself.  He wasn’t annoying, we had some good witty banter, and he did actually pay for the food and drinks.  Not to mention he was still tall and good looking, and so I was now totally on board for the rest of the date.

We left the pizza place and headed to the comedy show.  We had about 45 minutes until we could purchase tickets for the later show, so we went to the bar next door to pass the time.  I was optimistic and not dreading having to spend more time talking to him.  He continued to be enjoyable… for all of 10 minutes.

Problem #6: Debate Team Champion

The date took a turn for the worse after we snagged a corner booth and sat down.  Let me tell you, if the guy who argued about Atheism and this guy were to go against each other in a debate, this pompous guy would win hands down.  So what changed?  Well, a few short minutes into our beers, he asks me, “So have you read the book Sex at Dawn?”  “Nope, can’t say I have heard of it.” He was genuinely shocked because “alllllllll of the girls are reading it these days.”  Apparently he has girl friends who can put up with him because he continued to say how so many of them have been suggesting he read it since it is right up his alley.  I already wasn’t looking forward to the explanation he was inevitably going to provide because at this point he had the same matter-of-fact voice that my lawyer father gets when he tries to make a point (when this happens, it’s a losing battle; no matter what, everything out of his mouth is fact).

Sure enough, he proceeds to give me a detailed lecture about this book which explains why humans are not meant to be monogamous – because naturally that is the kind of conversation you want to have with someone who is on a date with you.  I’m not exaggerating when I say he went on and on about this book for at least 15 straight minutes.  There was one break about halfway through this nonstop rant:

Him: “Haven’t you ever wondered why men just want to sleep after having sex whereas women are ready to go for more?”
Me: “No, because that usually means he came and she didn’t.”
Him: “No, but when they both do, don’t you notice how women still want more?”
Me: “Ehhh… no, that probably just means she faked it and still needs to come the first time.”

He kept insisting that what he was saying was fact, so I just went along with it because I could tell it was going nowhere.  From there, he continued to preach the word of this book and why our bodies are built to not be with only one person.  When he was finished, he turned to me and said, “tell me your thoughts” – but by the way he said it, he really meant “tell me what you disagree with so I can prove you wrong.”  I calmly sat back in the booth, sipped my beer, and said, “Sounds good. Makes sense.”  HAHAHA I literally saw his blood begin to boil.  He tried again, “But what do you have to say about it all?”  I responded, “It sounds interesting and there are a lot of good points.”  He became visibly annoyed that I was giving him no pushback, and so I asked him, “Ok, well what kind of argument would you like me to provide? Obviously you want me to say something, so just tell me what and I’ll say it for you.”  This is when he reminded me that he hadn’t actually read the book yet.  (Dear God don’t let me near him once he has finished it and has even more to say about it.)

no you're wrong

Problem #7: Judge Judy

When he wasn’t trying to prove his philosophies of life to me, he was busy making comments on everyone around us.  To be clear, this was very different from people watching.  I LOVE people watching, and this was not it.  A sampling of the kinds of things he would say: “Ugh. Those guys over there are just here to pick up girls. I hate guys like that.”  I looked over and it’s just a group of friends watching sports with no girls anywhere near them.  Another: “That girl is so pathetic. She looks drunk and that guy will never go for her.”  Yes, she looked pretty intoxicated, but what need for such harsh judgments on a girl’s attractiveness in front of me?

judging so hard

Problem #8: Bad Body Language

As I mentioned, we were sitting in a corner booth.  I was on one side of the booth with my legs underneath the table just like any other normal human being. He was in the corner nook with his back to the same side of the booth as mine with his legs up outstretched on the booth side where I was not sitting.  As if this wasn’t rude enough, he also was not making any eye contact with me because he wasn’t facing me.  The TV was in front of us, and so he was literally lounged up on this booth, not looking at me, staring at the TV.  I figured, okay, since we missed the comedy show (yep, that show never happened for us), I might as well get what I came here for – whether it be in the bar or outside.  (Side note: I’m not one for making out in bars, but I was open to that option if it would get me what I came for while also shutting him up; I was all for killing two birds with one stone in this situation.)  With him sitting right next to me, I thought it wouldn’t be too hard to get some physical contact.  Well, long story short, he was unreceptive to anything I did, and he made zero attempts to make any move on me whatsoever.  To be honest, I figured he just wasn’t interested.  Or perhaps he picked up on my annoyance and thought I wasn’t interested.

cher trying for attention

Now that it looked like I wasn’t going to be making out with him, it was time to go.  We ask for the check and are informed that they only accept cash.  I was the only one with cash on me, so I ended up paying for all of our beers. Again.  What’s worse?  He never said thank you. Again.  But he did manage to criticize the watch I was wearing.

We left the bar, and we had about 5 minutes before my Uber arrived.  During that time he made no attempts at even a goodnight kiss, and so I left assuming I would never hear from this kid again – and I was a-okay with that.

I did actually end up hearing from him again.  Multiple times.

One Drink Wonder

Somehow, most dates I go on end up being at least two hours where I have at least three drinks. This next date – also from Coffee Meets Bagel – lasted less than an hour, and we only had one drink (thankfully). Here are the major reasons why:

Problem #1: Chronic Swearer
I will be the first to admit that I swear; most people do. But when you have the mouth of a sailor in public with a total stranger that you should be trying to impress, it is not attractive. This guy was dropping F-bombs left and right. He also was not a quiet guy, so I wasn’t even the only person who had to endure the string of curse words that he was just rolling off.

chronic swearer

Problem #2: Juan Pablo Syndrome
No explanation necessary. Classic case of the guy who loves to hear himself talk about how awesome he thinks he is.

helga dos equis

Problem #3: Judge Judy
It sounds hypocritical for me to say I don’t like guys who judge people when I have a blog dedicated to doing just that. But I’m not on a date with you right now. While we were having our one drink, this guy made a comment about how he thought our bartender was overweight (she wasn’t), how the woman on TV’s boobs were showing too much (he was kind of right…but stop looking at her boobs), and he even had the nerve to criticize what I was drinking. He wasn’t poking fun at it; he was straight up judging Regina George-style. Whatever, I just didn’t let him buy me another drink. I said I had to catch the T and peaced out.

judge judy

To date, this is the only date I went on and didn’t even attempt to offer to pay.