More Mediocre Back-to-Back Dates

2014 has come and gone, but I still have a few last blasts from the not-so-distant past that I have yet to update you on.  Here are the first two (out of three), which were both mediocre at best… so don’t expect to be blown away by this post.

Date: Scruffy Vanilla
Dating Problems: Dull and Bad Body Language
We connected via OKC and met up in early November. The most interesting fact (in his mind) that he had to share was that he was from the town that has some big jack-o-lantern festival. YOU’RE FROM HALLOWEENTOWN? Sadly, no, because that would have infinitely increased his level of intrigue.

halloween weird stuff

Anyways, he was genuinely shocked that I had no idea what town he was referring to or what Halloween tradition he was talking about. Whatever.  But later he did drop the fun fact that most of Jumanji was filmed in his hometown. Not sure how he let that go under the radar since that tidbit of information was actually the most interesting thing I remember from the date.  I was hoping he had been an extra in it, but unfortunately he wasn’t that cool.  Other than those hometown facts, there really wasn’t much that he talked about that was very interesting at all – and trust me, he talked A LOT.  Had he not eventually wised up and finally asked me about myself, he definitely would’ve gotten the Juan Pablo Syndrome label.  And it didn’t help that his body language was horrendous and had me thinking he wasn’t into me for most of the date. I know it can be tough to turn your body slightly towards your date while sitting side-by-side at a bar… but, wait, no, it’s actually not that hard at all. His shoulders were facing squarely forward and he rarely made eye contact with me. When he asked me out again, I considered it but eventually passed because despite his well-tamed scruffy facial hair, I couldn’t justify didn’t want to take time to see him again.

look at me

Date: The Unimpressed Comedian
Dating Problems: Girl-ish Tendencies (previously referred to as Male-on-Male Tendencies) and Judge Judy
The day after Scruffy Vanilla, I met up with this guy who had messaged me on OKC asking me to a comedy show right off the bat. He wasn’t exactly my type looks-wise but his profile was hilarious since he himself was a bit of a comedian. It was an offer that was hard to refuse. Now, with the first dating problem I listed, I really need to rename the “male-on-male tendencies” problem because this guy didn’t actually portray any tendencies like my very first Tinder date who I actually did think might be into men (which, for the record, I’m totally cool with – I just don’t want to date you if that’s the case). The comedian just had a very girly-ish voice, which when compared to my raspier Emma Stone-like voice, it was questionable whose was deeper.  That aside, he was very much into it females. In fact, he self-admittedly had been on a ton of dates with girls he met online which ended up being an interesting conversation topic. Ladies, apparently a lot of you are setting dates with guys and then not showing up. I’m not talking last minute cancellations; he said on multiple occasions he and several of his friends have been straight up stood up by girls they met online. Come on, gals. We’re better than that. At least text them and say you can’t miss the rerun of the SVU episode that you’ve already seen twice.

watch law and order

Anyways, he took me to the comedy show which was hilarious. However, he ended up hating on the opening act throughout the entire time he was on stage. I get that he’s super into comedy and maybe knows “good” from “bad,” but I was cracking up from start to finish and his negative comments were getting annoying.  Plus, even though he was making the comments privately to me, I got really uncomfortable because he was not being quiet about his opinions at all.

getting uncomfortable

Nevertheless, it wasn’t a bad date.  There was no second one even though he did ask me out again. To be honest, it was the girly voice that was the main reason I didn’t see him again. I just don’t think I could get over that.

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Expanding My Horizons to the Online Dating World

It was about two winters ago that I suddenly realized it had been over a year since my last relationship, and I had not been on one date. This didn’t bother me since I was happy with my life and didn’t feel a need to be with someone. Still, I thought it was time I get back into the game and try to meet someone. The biggest question was how.

Online dating Tinder was introduced to me. First it was more of an amusing app that let you waste time just judging people, but it got interesting once the messages started. If you know anything about the people on Tinder, then you know that many of them make you want to lock your doors and run for the hills rather than meet up and actually get to know them better. However, there was one guy who seemed normal and didn’t actually lead with something like “spit or swallow?” We got to talking and decided to meet up for a date.

At this point (December 2012), my pickiness had not yet fully evolved, so he had it easy compared to guys today. He was scruffy, was able to make normal conversation over text, and was in med school. Check, check, and check. Here is how it went down, one issue at a time…

Problem #1: Inconvenience
If you are going to insist on picking a girl up, then you should probably make sure you know how to parallel park first. He said he “couldn’t fit” into the spots we found near the bar and ended up parking a good ten minutes from the bar. Mind you, it was winter, so the date was already off to a bitter start.

parallel parking

Problem #2: WTF Are You Wearing
Don’t get me wrong; I think scrubs are great because doctors are great. But blue pajamas have no place in a bar. Oh yeah, and this guy was still wearing his stethoscope around his neck. I didn’t show up at the bar with my sales phone headset on my head, and so please leave all syringes and other medical tools at work…or at least in the car.

throwing headset

Problem #3: Male-on-Male Tendencies
This guy was into boxing. Really into boxing. He told me everything from his entire timeline of playing the sport to the full history of boxing in the Olympics. That is all fine and good, but the next part is what threw me. He said that when he and his buddies go out and get drunk, they usually end up back at his apartment, shirts off, wrestling each other and rolling around all over the place together. If being naked with other dudes is something a guy is into, then I am totally cool with that!  However, I am not so thrilled if that is a favorite pastime of a guy who is on a date with me.  I know I am picky, but I don’t think that’s something any girl would want to learn on a first date.

slap fight

And like almost most guys I go on first dates with… Problem #4: Juan Pablo Syndrome
Guys, sorry to break it to you, but you are not the most interesting man in the world. Even if you are, it is at least common courtesy to ask the girl about herself too, no matter how insignificant you may think any response is compared to yours. Maybe you aren’t a good conversationalist, maybe English is your second language, or maybe you aren’t good at asking questions. Well, I am in sales, so I usually ask most of the questions anyways. I make it easy for you to just murmur “y tú?” after your response. When all you say is “it’s okayyyyy” or just completely disregard the fact that I may have thoughts of my own, well, I don’t like dat. So with Tinder boy, I left the date knowing all about his pursuit towards a medical degree, about every boxing match he had in college, and about his naked fights with friends. He left the date knowing maybe a few quick facts about me.

dos equis man

Two days later, he asked me on a second date. I swiped left.