No Strings Attached

I’m sure most of you have had an experience where you were seeing a guy (or girl, whoever) you were into and may had even seen the possibility for a potential relationship with that person. You started out dating and things were going great, but then you eventually realized that you’d been doing a whole lot of the casual hang outs and staying in (usually in bed) with that person more than you went out on dates together. Before long, you felt like you had become more of a hookup to this guy/gal than someone that person actually wanted a relationship with.  Can I get an Amen?

amen

This scenario has happened to me before (ahem, my first Hinge guy and at least one other Chris), and it totally sucks.  Well, I should clarify and say it sucked because I actually wanted more than a hookup.  This post is a similar tale of dating-turned-hookup, except I got exactly what I wanted.  Allow me to explain…

After my Bumble fails, I took a break from dating for a few months.  Then in October, I matched with a guy on Hinge who was immediately hilarious to chat with.  I typically can’t stand the messaging part of online dating, but this guy made it more than bearable.  We swapped numbers and soon had a first date scheduled.

Only Dating Problem: Kinda Catfish

The issue wasn’t that he didn’t look like his profile picture.  In fact, he was actually taller than the height he listed, and he looked as attractive as I had expected.  However, his humor from our messages did not carry over into real life. At first I thought it was nerves, but nothing changed after three dates.  What’s worse is that not only did he not make me laugh, but he just didn’t laugh in general.  His goofy level was probably a 1.5 out of 10, and so it was a total letdown from a dating perspective.

no laugh

Ok, so I mentioned I went on three dates with him… but it didn’t take me that long to realize he wasn’t my person.  However, that didn’t discourage me from continuing to see him.  It might make sense if I divulge the progression of our dates and how it led to where things went.

First Date Makeout

This guy was a great kisser.  Not only that: he was great at making out.  Now, you might be thinking, “Isn’t that the same thing?”  NO!  While being an amazing kisser is half the battle, there are a few little underrated moves that end up going a long way:

When the guy has his hand behind your head and pulls you closer.

pulls closer kiss

Take another pointer from Ryan Gosling

When he touches your face while making out.

hands on face kiss

Sensual, eh?

And if things get more heated… When he ventures outside of just kissing your lips (woah, kiddos, all of this is happening above the waist, cool down!).

Obviously there is more to it than this to be a skilled makeout bandit, but I’m not teaching a kissing class here.  All I’m saying is that if you like to kiss people you should not forget these small things.  So basically, this Hinge fellah pulled out all these moves on me, which not only left me swooning, but he also had me thinking he would probably be pretty great in bed.

Second Date Hookup Hookups

We went to a bar near his place for our second date, and afterwards we went back to his place. For approximately half a second I thought I’d try to be a proper lady and keep my clothes on, but then I realized I’m a grown ass woman who will do what she wants!  So we tore each other’s clothes off, and I was far from disappointed with what I saw.  We did adult things, and for the first time since the Hinge guy I really liked back in 2013, I finally found someone who could get it right. Very right.

that's right

The First (Planned) Booty Call

Thanksgiving was that same week, but we were both back in the city that Saturday and had plans to do our separate things… but we also made plans to meet up later.  And it was a mutual understanding that later = after the bars start to close and there’s nowhere to go but bed.  That time rolled around, we were back in touch to figure out location, and soon enough he was in my bed.  For him being the first guy I’d slept with since that Happn guy back in March, I had to wonder why I let my dry spell go on for so many months when getting a good lay could actually be so simple and convenient.

what like its hard

Consistent Booty Calls

We got dinner once more after that (date #3), and it did nothing but confirm that he was not my person and delay what we both were really wanting at the end of the night.  So since then, we just skip right to the point.  We only talk on weekends after at least 7pm to put the initial feelers out there, and then we only see each other after we’re both done with our nights.  The only exception was one Sunday when he had his apartment to himself, so I went over in the middle of the day when we were both sober and took advantage of that opportunity.

Since New Years rolled around, we haven’t seen each other.  We have both reached out to each other several times, but neither of us are ever in the same area at the same time.  I suppose I could always go out of my way, but I haven’t really had a use for him lately… I’ll get to that in my next post.

suspense

Advertisements

Bumble, Booze, & Breakups

Bumble is one of those dating apps that I had originally downloaded ages ago, but nobody decent was on it at the time.  By the time spring and summer 2015 rolled around, the dating pool of guys in my city on the app had drastically improved.  So, obviously, I attacked it with similar enthusiasm as I did when I first got into OKCupid.  I scheduled dates with two different guys on back-to-back days at the end of July.  These are their stories (queue dramatic SVU “dun-dun” sound).

First Guy, First Date

I met Bumble #1 at a bar after work, and it was one of those days when I was ready to have a drink or two or ten. He had a drink at work and then got to the bar before me, so he was onboard the same booze train as me. It may have been the excitement of the first date, it may have been instant chemistry, or it may have been the booze, but I was pretty pumped that we were hitting it off quickly. We had great conversation and had each other laughing – all the while, still sucking down drinks. We eventually moved to another bar, and to give you an indication of where we were on the drunk scale, I’ll tell you that we started kissing in the bar…which I don’t do sober. We almost went to another bar, but I made the call to go home instead (I did have another date the next day, after all). So we made out a bit then went our separate ways. Overall, it was a great date, and I was totally on board for a second one.

not bad

Second Guy, First Date

From the pictures in his profile, Bumble #2 was really hot. And thank goodness for that because I wasn’t feeling 100% after the drinking date the night before, and his looks were the only thing motivating me to not cancel. He was running late because he had an after work function, so I got to the bar and – surprise, surprise – began drinking.  A drink and a half later, he showed up.  He was definitely good looking, but our conversation took quiiiiite a while to really pick up.  It was just… awkward.

awkward

Fortunately, we continued to drink and the weirdness eventually drifted away.  By the end of the night, I was definitely into him.  He said he wanted to see me again, and then we said goodbye outside of the bar.

After both first dates, I was shocked that I actually had two good dates in a row AND that I wanted to see them both again.  While I found myself more physically attracted to Bumble #2, I was actually way more excited to see Bumble #1 again.  I had dates with both of them scheduled for the next week.

First Guy, Second Date

There is not too much to say about this date.  I definitely went into the night excited to see this Bumble #1 guy again.  We started off completely sober, got some food, and the amount of alcohol we consumed was only a fraction of what we had the week prior.  Fortunately, there was never any awkwardness.  Unfortunately, I began to realize that he had a SERIOUS case of Juan Pablo Syndrome.  However, since we had such a good time on our first date, I decided tried to convince myself that I was just being too critical.  Still, I left the date a bit disappointed because it was a lot of him talking at me with few attempts to ask me about my awesomely amazing life.

im cool

Second Guy, Second Date

After my second date with the first guy, I became even more excited for my second date with Bumble #2.  He had me a bit concerned as I was on my way to meet him because he texted saying he was there and that I’d find him smoking cigs with a group of guys on the bench outside the restaurant.  Cigarette smoking is a big no-no for me, so I literally texted my friends asking WTF I was getting myself into.  To my pleasant surprise, he was completely kidding, and I was apparently just horrible at picking up his sarcasm.  We got sushi and a few drinks, and there was no awkwardness like there was on the first date.  He was great to look at, funny, and managed to both tell me about himself while also asking about me.  Someone has finally mastered this difficult concept!

way to go

Towards the end of the date, he asked me what I was looking for and why I was still single.  Honestly, I really need to get my pitch down because it was not the first time I’ve been asked that nor was it the first time I’ve probably sounded all over the place with my answer.  But anyways,  I said something to the effect of how I am looking for something serious but not willing to just settle down for just anyone, and I am still single because I haven’t found anyone I’ve wanted to get serious with.  I asked him the same question, and he explained how he wasn’t looking for something too serious because he just got out of a bad breakup a few months ago.  He then reiterated that it was a bad breakup. A bad breakup.  He said it so many times that I almost asked him what happened (ugh, I should’ve just asked!).

Anyways, the date ended, and we hugged goodbye.  But before I left, he said he had added me on SnapChat and that he wanted me to add him back.  In my silly girl mind, I was thinking that probably meant he wanted to see me again.  Well, after two or three texts (all initiated by me) throughout the next week and a half, I eventually got the hint that he didn’t want a third date.  I was bummed because I was still into him which is rare coming out of a second date.  But, hey, at least I got a new SnapChat friend…?

yay

First Guy, Third Date

I wasn’t super ecstatic about going on a third date with Bumble #1, but I felt that the first date was too good to let the second mehhh date dictate how I felt about him. We met for sushi (yeah, I apparently was on a roll with the sushi dates), and the first red flag of the night was that he didn’t want to share his sushi.  I’m sorry, but who doesn’t share sushi on a date ever?  The second red flag was when he ordered us a scorpion bowl.  On a Tuesday.

tuesday

Ok, I get that boozing was a big part of our previous dates, but I actually specifically told him I didn’t want to order a scorpion bowl (that amount of sugar in one massive bowl never results in a good feeling the next day).  Nevertheless, he ordered it AND insisted that we finish it before leaving.  I told him no chance and even said that I wasn’t going to be able to stay past 9 – regardless of whether or not the scorpion bowl was finished.  Somehow we finished it, but I was not happy or proud about it at all.

immediately regret

That wasn’t the worst of it, though.  I went into the date making a conscious effort to notice how many times he asked me a question.   With the exception of “what kind of sushi is that?” and “why do you need to leave at 9?”, he asked me ZERO questions about myself. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Nothing.  I promise I am not exaggerating at all.  Juan Pablo, you may have met your match.  As for me, I was done with Bumble #1.

buh bye.gif

 

OKCupid Asks, “Would You Dump Someone Simply Because They Weren’t Good at Sex?”

Excellent question. Prior to the last guy I dated in 2014, my answer was “No.” His answer was “Yes.”

2015/01/img_3667.jpg

I’ve since changed my answer…and he might want to consider doing the same.

Date #1: Dread to Excitement

As I mentioned in #1 of my reflections of 2014, I surprisingly have a tendency to be NOT picky enough when it comes to who I go on online dates with because all too often I agree to meet up with someone only to find myself dreading leaving my apartment to go see him. This was one of those times…but to my surprise, it didn’t have the same usual lackluster ending.  Per usual, I wasn’t crazy attracted to him from the start, but he had scruff and was taller than me, so there was potential. And sure enough, as we started talking I grew to actually find him more attractive. Maybe it was the wine we were guzzling, but I felt like we were really clicking. Not sure if any of you follow me on Twitter, but here’s a snippet of a few Picky Dater thoughts from that night (read from bottom to top):

2015/01/img_3668.png

We ended up staying at the bar for a solid three hours and there was never a dull moment in the conversation. Believe it or not, I left that date wanting to go on a second one.

excited baby

Date #2: Hungover to Drunk Again

So I guess I’ll let my tweets set the stage again (read bottom to top):

2015/01/img_3691.png

Aside from the observation that I have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with SVU, hopefully one of your takeaways from this is “OMG the Picky Dater might not be asexual!”  Anyways, a quick summary on what exactly happened on Date #2:

By the time noon came around that Sunday and it was time for me to meet him, my hangover was in full force.  I was considering canceling, but it was way too close to the time we had planned on aaaaand his suggestion for the date was ice cream which was enough to get me out the door.  Ideally, I would have left my place wearing sweats with my hair up in a messy bun, but I decided to be a normal human being and look put-together for this date.

hair whip

We met at a local coffee shop and immediately: WTF Are You Wearing?!  He stole my hungover look and was wearing a fucking hoodie.  And not just any hoodie. It was a purple hoodie. With a massive anchor on it. All he needed were some gym shorts and he would’ve been right up there with the Boston Hater‘s fashion sense.

After the coffee shop, this guy, his hoodie, and I all set off to find this new ice cream shop in the city.  Along the way, we passed a mediocre Mexican restaurant, and he SWORE he read that this place was recognized for having the best fries in the city.  Because, you know, everyone knows that McDonald’s biggest french fry competitors are Mexican restaurants.  He was so sure of it that we went in, and the wait staff had the same reaction as me and thought he needed to get his head examined.  Obviously he was wrong, but now we had reason to get some chips and guac.  We stayed there for a solid 2-3 hours, my hangover passed, we ate lunch, and soon enough I had a margarita in front of me and I was drinking again.

cant say no to tequila

From the Mexican place we FINALLY went to get ice cream.  Once we finished, we went to ANOTHER coffee shop followed by a local bar where we watched football until at least 10pm.  Yep, it was a full-day date… and I was in no rush to leave.  He walked me back to my place, had a quick makeout sesh (outside of my apartment), and we parted ways.

Date #3: From Best Date in a LONG Time to a Really SMALL Ending

By the time we met up for our third date, I felt like I had known this guy for a while and that we had been out way more than just two times prior.  It was a Friday night and we went to a fancy sushi place followed by a fancy bar where we got fancy dessert.  It was honestly the most legit date I have been on in… I don’t even know how long.  So to recap the scene: I was still totally into this guy, we had an amazing date, and he was getting super handsy at the last bar… so I didn’t put up a fight when he suggested we go back to his place.  We started making out, blah blah blah, but his pants were still on.  It seemed like a while for us to make it to the bedroom, and when we did, you can imagine what happened.

wink

Wait.

hold up wait

No.

no im shocked

No. Actually, no you cannot.

NO

The only other time I’ve referenced the “Bedroom Embarrassment” dating problem was with the wailing Aussie, and in that post I said how his size was disappointing but that I wouldn’t go there.  Well, I HAVE to go there this time.  I hate to do it because I feel bad for guys because while girls can go get boob jobs or ass implants, I don’t think there’s much men can do about their size (but I could be wrong, I have no idea).  And just so all of you don’t think I simply have unrealistic expectations, I looked up the average size of a man’s erect penis, and he was about half the size of the the low-average length according to all the articles I read.  We tried again in the morning – “tried” being the key word.  For all I know, he may have felt quite accomplished.  I, on the other hand, was trying to figure out if he was ever inside me.  Yeah… that’s what it was like.  And no… he wasn’t able to make up for it by being really great at anything else.

Date #3.5: One Last Shot

I was obviously really disappointed after Date #3, but because I genuinely had started liking him before that, I didn’t want to just hang up my hat immediately.  So that Sunday, instead of heading right home after leaving my friend’s place, I stopped over to see him with the intention of giving it another go. We did… aaaand put simply, I thought he was still trying to get hard by the time he finished. I stuck around to watch a movie with him afterwards, but when he tried putting moves on me again, I had zero desire to even make out with him. I was frustrated and just wanted to go home. So I did.

dont wanna be here

It was a shitty situation.  I’ve actually had this post completed and ready to go for over a month but was hesitant to publish it because it was such a shitty situation. Aside from his purple sweatshirt, the problem that ended things isn’t anything like all the other “dating problems” which actually have the possibility of being remedied. So there’s that. Also, before anyone goes off on me about how there are probably plenty of ways to work around this size problem, I do have to add one thing: before sleeping with him, if you asked me if I would want to be exclusive with him, then I absolutely would’ve said no. Even though I was growing to like him, there was still something missing. Who knows, I may have been able to find that X Factor if I continued to see him and the sex was good, but the issues in the bedroom set me so off that developing those feelings further seemed impossible. As frustrated as I was about it all, I would have to imagine that he felt the same way or more. I was as nice as possible when I called it finito, and I really do wish him well because he was a great guy.  But hey, let’s all remember that according to his OKC profile, he would’ve been just as quick to kick me to the curb for similar reasons.

And that (finally) wraps up 2014.