To finally close the loop on the dates I listed in a post I made near the end of October, here is my update on the Adrian Grenier lookalike.
If you remember that post, then you’ll recall that we were about to go out on our third date. Spoiler alert: that was my last date with him. I’ll indulge you on our short-lived, almost-but-not-really-close-at-all romance; however, I’ll also admit upfront that there’s no crazy or hilarious stories. This is just another one of your classic Picky Dater apathetic/asexual dating tales.
Date #1: No Problems, but No Butterflies
The first date went well in that he didn’t give me any reasons to NOT go out with him again. He looked like his pictures, he overestimated his height by only two inches max, and we had plenty to talk about. He was also such a gentleman with the tab: he paid for everything even though he had gone well out of his way (in the pouring rain!) to meet at a bar that was convenient for me. We even kissed goodbye, and it was actually the most natural and not awkward first kiss I’ve had in a while. Despite all this, I just didn’t feel those butterflies that seem to be necessary for me to get excited for a second date. Here’s how I explained it to one of my close friends:
Pretty apathetic, huh? Well, if you keep up with me, then you know the reason I agreed to a second date is all thanks to this guy.
Date #2: Good but Not Great
The place he suggested for our second date was no more than three minutes walking from my apartment, and so it was convenient enough to lock me into next plans. It was pretty much a repeat of our first date in that (once again) he gave me no reasons to NOT go out with him again. He was interesting, smart, and hardworking. I insisted on paying for everything, which he did let me do (to be clear: I wanted to pay for it, so I’m not knocking him for this). We kissed goodbye again, and it was definitely a great second kiss. But for whatever reason, my feelings for him were still very blahhh.
Date 3: Drinks on Drinks on Drinks
For the third date, I finally went to his neck of the woods. Because I was coming from the gym, I was a total bag lady and asked if I could leave my workout stuff at his place (we were meeting at his apartment anyways, so it didn’t involve any change in plans). I did that, and we went to a Mexican place a few blocks away. Thankfully he was absolutely nothing like the picky eater, and so I was able to enjoy some pretty decent guac and this coconut chicken and salsa entrée (not exactly sure what it was, but it was pretty great). After that – and a few margs – we went to a bar a few doors down. Three or four more drinks later, we were walking back to his place, making out along the sidewalk every few minutes like two teenagers who can’t makeout at home because they still live with their parents. Once at his apartment, we made out, played darts, made out some more, and he tried to convince me to stay the night. It was semi-tempting but my desire to do that was trumped by how much I didn’t want to deal with waking up early enough to get back to my apartment and still get to work on time. So that was the end of that date.
The Almost Next Dates
Since I was out of town that weekend and he was in California for work the entire week after that, we set loose plans for the following week. By the time that came around, I wasn’t feeling too up for it, but I figured since I hadn’t had sex in months I’d just go on this date, stay the night with him, and maybe that would make me like him more – or, at the very least I would get laid. But when it came down to the day of our date, I still wasn’t looking forward to it enough. Add that to the fact that I had a horrible headache, and so I just called him and told him I wasn’t feeling well and we’d have to take a rain check.
After I bailed on date #4, I suggested that we try to meet up while we were out on Friday. But when Friday came around, I just didn’t feel like having him join me and my friends… plus my friend’s attractive co-worker was out with us soooo that had my attention more than the Adrian doppelgänger did. I ended up putting my phone on airplane mode so his calls and texts wouldn’t go through and so that he did not necessarily think I was ignoring him. (Yes, I recognize that that was a completely pathetic tactic.) Once I was home and off airplane mode, I saw that he had texted me. I never ended up texting him back.
About a month and a half later, I ran into a friend that I knew had run track with this guy back in college. I mentioned how we had gone on a few dates and also made sure I said nothing but good things about him (which wasn’t hard since it’s not like I had anything really bad to say). The next day the Entourage lookalike texted me. After a little small talk, it led to this:
Although I used to be all about the fade away, lately I do make a point to let the guys know and offer some sort of explanation. But for whatever reason, I just didn’t do it with this guy, and so I was happy I got a second chance to put a close to it. He didn’t respond, but I didn’t expect him to. And yeah… that was that. I told you it wasn’t a very exciting story.
So after all of that, I think it just became that much more obvious that it’s really difficult to force yourself to like someone, especially in an online dating situation. I kept going on more dates with this guy because I didn’t not like him, not because I did actually like him. Had we gotten to know each other through a more organic situation such as meeting and hanging out through friends… then who knows? But it’s a lot tougher when every scenario that you meet up is a bonafide date. That’s my schpeel.
And if ya’ll are interested, here’s a podcast that I really liked on the subject of having (or not having) butterflies: Dating Butterflies: Are They Necessary?