Adrian Grenier’s Doppelgänger

To finally close the loop on the dates I listed in a post I made near the end of October, here is my update on the Adrian Grenier lookalike.

adrian grenier lookalike

If you remember that post, then you’ll recall that we were about to go out on our third date. Spoiler alert: that was my last date with him. I’ll indulge you on our short-lived, almost-but-not-really-close-at-all romance; however, I’ll also admit upfront that there’s no crazy or hilarious stories. This is just another one of your classic Picky Dater apathetic/asexual dating tales.

Date #1: No Problems, but No Butterflies
The first date went well in that he didn’t give me any reasons to NOT go out with him again. He looked like his pictures, he overestimated his height by only two inches max, and we had plenty to talk about. He was also such a gentleman with the tab: he paid for everything even though he had gone well out of his way (in the pouring rain!) to meet at a bar that was convenient for me. We even kissed goodbye, and it was actually the most natural and not awkward first kiss I’ve had in a while. Despite all this, I just didn’t feel those butterflies that seem to be necessary for me to get excited for a second date. Here’s how I explained it to one of my close friends:

adriantext1

Pretty apathetic, huh? Well, if you keep up with me, then you know the reason I agreed to a second date is all thanks to this guy.

Date #2: Good but Not Great
The place he suggested for our second date was no more than three minutes walking from my apartment, and so it was convenient enough to lock me into next plans. It was pretty much a repeat of our first date in that (once again) he gave me no reasons to NOT go out with him again. He was interesting, smart, and hardworking. I insisted on paying for everything, which he did let me do (to be clear: I wanted to pay for it, so I’m not knocking him for this).  We kissed goodbye again, and it was definitely a great second kiss. But for whatever reason, my feelings for him were still very blahhh.

adriantext2

Date 3: Drinks on Drinks on Drinks
For the third date, I finally went to his neck of the woods. Because I was coming from the gym, I was a total bag lady and asked if I could leave my workout stuff at his place (we were meeting at his apartment anyways, so it didn’t involve any change in plans). I did that, and we went to a Mexican place a few blocks away. Thankfully he was absolutely nothing like the picky eater, and so I was able to enjoy some pretty decent guac and this coconut chicken and salsa entrée (not exactly sure what it was, but it was pretty great). After that – and a few margs – we went to a bar a few doors down. Three or four more drinks later, we were walking back to his place, making out along the sidewalk every few minutes like two teenagers who can’t makeout at home because they still live with their parents. Once at his apartment, we made out, played darts, made out some more, and he tried to convince me to stay the night.  It was semi-tempting but my desire to do that was trumped by how much I didn’t want to deal with waking up early enough to get back to my apartment and still get to work on time. So that was the end of that date.

adriantext3

The Almost Next Dates
Since I was out of town that weekend and he was in California for work the entire week after that, we set loose plans for the following week.  By the time that came around, I wasn’t feeling too up for it, but I figured since I hadn’t had sex in months I’d just go on this date, stay the night with him, and maybe that would make me like him more – or, at the very least I would get laid. But when it came down to the day of our date, I still wasn’t looking forward to it enough. Add that to the fact that I had a horrible headache, and so I just called him and told him I wasn’t feeling well and we’d have to take a rain check.

adriantweet1

After I bailed on date #4, I suggested that we try to meet up while we were out on Friday. But when Friday came around, I just didn’t feel like having him join me and my friends… plus my friend’s attractive co-worker was out with us soooo that had my attention more than the Adrian doppelgänger did.  I ended up putting my phone on airplane mode so his calls and texts wouldn’t go through and so that he did not necessarily think I was ignoring him. (Yes, I recognize that that was a completely pathetic tactic.) Once I was home and off airplane mode, I saw that he had texted me. I never ended up texting him back.

ignore it go away

About a month and a half later, I ran into a friend that I knew had run track with this guy back in college. I mentioned how we had gone on a few dates and also made sure I said nothing but good things about him (which wasn’t hard since it’s not like I had anything really bad to say). The next day the Entourage lookalike texted me. After a little small talk, it led to this:

adriantext 4

Although I used to be all about the fade away, lately I do make a point to let the guys know and offer some sort of explanation.  But for whatever reason, I just didn’t do it with this guy, and so I was happy I got a second chance to put a close to it. He didn’t respond, but I didn’t expect him to. And yeah… that was that. I told you it wasn’t a very exciting story.

So after all of that, I think it just became that much more obvious that it’s really difficult to force yourself to like someone, especially in an online dating situation. I kept going on more dates with this guy because I didn’t not like him, not because I did actually like him. Had we gotten to know each other through a more organic situation such as meeting and hanging out through friends… then who knows? But it’s a lot tougher when every scenario that you meet up is a bonafide date.  That’s my schpeel.

Ron Swanson Not Interested

And if ya’ll are interested, here’s a podcast that I really liked on the subject of having (or not having) butterflies: Dating Butterflies: Are They Necessary?

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Picky Dater Meets Picky Eater

No more than 15 minutes after examining the sidewalk with my first date, I was off to the bar where I was going meet my second date of the evening. Now, if you’ll recall, I was way more excited for date #1 than #2, and seeing how fabulously that went, you can imagine how super thrilled I was to spend time with someone I was already not overly interested in. Whatever, I sucked it up and figured at least this date would involve alcohol.

there will be alcohol

Problem #1: Kinda Catfish
Guys lie about their height; that’s something I have just come to accept. But this guy was really doing himself an injustice with how blatantly he lied in this category. When he approached me at the bar, I don’t think there is any possibility that I could’ve masked the disappointment on my face. He listed himself as 5’8″, but he was shorter than me. Mind you, I’m 5’5″ and was wearing flats, so there is zero possibility that he was 5’8″.

best liar award

To make matters worse, he was thin and just clearly didn’t spend much time lifting at the gym.  I am not looking for a GTL Ronnie character by any means, but I also don’t want to feel like I am dating a freshman in high school.  Sorry for being a bitch, but I would prefer if onlookers didn’t immediate think that I was taking advantage of an innocent underage boy.  If he had a similar body as the Hinge guy I liked last year who stood at 5’7″, then this date may have been off to a little bit better start.  But he didn’t, and when I explained what he was like to my friends afterwards, I said it in the type of voice you would use when describing a cute puppy or an adorable baby. He was just so little and precious!

Seriously though, I think it’s time that I lie and say I’m 5’9″.

Problem #2: Food Compatibility

As part of my picky regiment when perusing online dating sites, I systematically weed out all the vegans, vegetarians, and obsessive-compulsive healthy eaters. I figure the remaining bunch that I’m left with is similar to me and will eat pretty much anything.  This guy didn’t answer the “Diet” question on OKC, but in one of his earlier messages to me he referenced chicken parm and pizza, so I took that to mean that our food compatibility was high.

Like I said, I got there first and went to the bar because I assumed we were just going to do a low-key drinks-only date.  After he arrived, he asked if I wanted to get a table (note: if you get a table at this place, you are obliged to get something to eat too).  Just drinks was a-okay with me, but he practically insisted that we get a table.  I was super hungry, so pshhh, I wasn’t going to fight him on it.

im starving

I had eaten at this bar a number of times before, and everything from the apps to the entrees to the sides were incredible.  Let me list off a sampling of a few of my personal favorites:

  • Mussels with the most amazing sauce
  • Cheese fondue with melt-in-your-mouth pretzel bread
  • Sweet potato gnocchi that requires no further explanation
  • The burger definitely makes my top 10 in the city
  • Brussel sprouts that stink up the room but are literally everything

Remember, that’s just my list of favorites; it doesn’t include other amazing dishes like their bomb cheese & charcuterie plate, the beef tartare, or the oysters.  I was sure that he was going to have a field day once he took a look at this menu, but his reaction was seriously lacking the ooh‘s and ahh‘s that I was expecting.  I rambled off my recommendations, told him that I was totally up for trying any of the other items on the menu, but yet, there was no reaction from him.  It looked like he was intensely studying the menu, and then finally he looked up and said, “I’m a really picky eater.”

Hmmm… okay.  That’s fine.  I used to be a picky eater when I was younger.  I can deal with this.  I tried to get a sense for what he liked to eat:

Me: “Ok, so what kinds of food do you like?”
Him: “Cinnamon sugar.”

laugh at that

Me (laughing inside): “Oh…. what do you mean?”
Him: “Well, every morning I have a cinnamon sugar bagel.  Then every day for lunch I have a peanut butter sandwich with cinnamon raisin bread.”

Red flags.  Red flags everywhere.  I’m all for routine…. but holy shit.  I didn’t believe that he had this every day, but he confirmed it.  He eats a peanut butter sandwich for lunch.  Every. Single. Day.

Me: “So then what do you have for dinner?”
Him: “Chicken.”
Me (somewhat relieved… or so I thought): “Oh nice.  How do you usually make it?”
Him: “Idk.  The normal way, I guess.” (I ask him to clarify.) “Like on the stove.” (Pulling teeth to get more details.) “With pepper.” (OMG.) “I also like chicken parm a lot.”

I decided to settle with that answer, and then we got back to the menu.  Since I was okay eating anything, I told him to pick something he liked.  With the expression he was making, you would have thought that the restaurant was offering a Fear Factor-like delicatessen.  He needed some help.

Me: “It looks like they have chicken wings; those are probably good.  The warm pretzels with mustard and cheese seems pretty simple.  Or if you are more of a salad kind of person, then I’m sure you’ll like any of these. Oh!  And this one has goat cheese on it!  Anything with goat cheese is amazing.”
Him: “I’ve never had goat cheese.”
Me: “WHAAAT!?!  Why?!”
Him: “I don’t like how it comes from a goat.” (I’m confused.)  “It’s just weird.  I’d rather it come from a cow.”
Me: “So what kind of cheese DO you like? American?”
Him: “Mozzarella.”

embarrassing yourself

The cheese situation ruled out a good chunk of the menu, so he finally decided upon something: the chicken wings and a side order of fries.  Eventually, we found our way back onto the conversation of his food habits.

Me: “Other than chicken and cinnamon sugar, what else do you eat?  Like do you ever eat vegetables?
Him: “Yeah, but only mild vegetables.  Such as carrots and squash.”
Me: “Mild? So what constitutes itself as an, um, intense vegetable…? Like asparagus?”
Him: “Actually, asparagus would be closer to mild.” (Shocking, because I’d consider it to be more intense.) “But like broccoli and spinach.”

The food came, and as expected, it was awesome.  The wings did have a bit of an unexpected kick, but nothing unbearable by any means – and trust me, I don’t handle spicy very well.  He, on the other hand, was struggling.  It was literally painful watching him try to eat them.  By the end of the meal, I had finished at least 5 wings clean to the bone.  He…barely finished one.

too hot food

Problem #3: Dull

I’ll keep this brief because I have already ripped on this guy enough.  Let’s just say that my fascination in his picky eating habits was the most interesting thing about him.  He had never traveled outside of the country, he didn’t play any sports, and he didn’t seem to have any hobbies.  From what I gathered, his routine consists of waking up, going to work, eating a peanut butter sandwich, getting home, watching the Amazing Race, and going to bed.

taking naps a hobby

All this being said, I do want to say that my date was a total sweetheart.  He seemed really nervous throughout the date but was a complete gentleman throughout.  I was actually VERY insistent that I pay for the entire bill, but he was adamant on treating me… to everything – even though he ate practically nothing.  So despite the fact that I am a horrible person for exposing all of the negatives about my dates, this guy really was a very genuine person who does deserve credit for that.

Oh, and he didn’t judge me at all when I got the leftover wings and fries wrapped for lunch the next day…

leftovers

The Moccasin-Wearing Admirer of Sidewalks

Being in sales and on an annual quota, the last quarter of the year is super busy for me.  Not a great excuse, but it’s the one I’m going with for why I haven’t been posting very often (sorry!). So bare with me, though, because eventually I will finish all of the drafted posts that I have started on each of the dates I’ve been on.

Anyways, if you have been keeping up with my dating life, then you know that I somewhat recently began serial dating (again).  The last guy I wrote about was someone that I was really not super attracted to prior to the date; fortunately, the very next day I had setup not one but TWO dates to make up for it.  The second date of the night was another “mehhh” date (oh, just you wait for me to share that story), but the first date of the evening was with someone I was genuinely very excited to meet.  Obviously, he had excellent scruff, but he also was clearly very well-traveled, was athletic (and more importantly, athletic looking), and was tall.  Top that off with the witty conversation that we had via OKC, and I was ready to go.  The only red flag was that he seemed to be a 9 out of 10 on the hipster scale.  I’m not trying to hate on the hipsters – ya’ll are cool in my book – I just personally don’t want to date someone that hipstery.  To give you a little taste for what I knew about his hipster ways prior to meeting him, here’s a screenshot of the very beginning of his profile:

IMG_3289.JPG

The plan was to meet at a small coffee shop after work, but because it closed early, we ended up meeting at Starbucks instead (yes, too mainstream for him, but he had no choice).  I was there first, leaving me to creepily stare at the guy who somewhat resembled my date as I was in line…. followed by me awkwardly walking back and forth from my seat to the napkin counter until I managed to see that the name on his coffee cup didn’t match that of my date.

staring hamster

Once that was figured out, I decided to stay seated and wait for him.  It was a centrally located Starbucks, so every few seconds someone new would walk in, and I’d stare-down every guy until I was sure it wasn’t my date.  I ended up just texting him where I was seated and then did some people watching.  Between the interactions between the baristas and their customers, the homeless man outside, and the people sprinting out of work to catch the bus, there was plenty to look at to pass the time.

Then the homeless man walked in… but it turned out he wasn’t homeless at all.  He was my date.

Problem #1: WTF Are You Wearing?

The fact that I thought my date was homeless probably sounds like an exaggeration – but I swear that I am being serious.  I remember looking out the window at this guy before he walked in and literally thinking that he must be a new homeless guy that now sits outside this Starbucks (because there’s often at least one).  He had a large lightweight trench coat on that was way too big for him, leaving only the very bottom of his oversized, super-casual slacks to show.  To be fair, though, his outfit was not horrendous; it just looked like he didn’t just come from the office job that he said he had.  What made me really think he was homeless was that I saw him walking around with a gigantic bag of stuff, which is what many of the homeless people in the area are seen lugging around.

This dating problem was escalated at the end of the date when he went to go unlock his bike and massive bag from the “No Parking” street sign in front of the Starbucks.  Because it was an area with such high pedestrian traffic, I was shocked that he had left everything there while we were walking around.  He replied by saying there wasn’t much that people would want to steal.  He proceeded to open up the backpack, and there they were.  Staring up at me from the top of his bag of goodies were… MOCCASINS.

stacy clinton shocking

And I’m not talking about your nice leather Cole Haan moccasins.  These looked like the exact same kind of moccasins I wore in kindergarten with the beads and fringe (although his didn’t have the fringe, thankfully?).  Yes, apparently they do make these for grown men.  And no, no man should ever buy these to wear in public.

Problem #2: Just… Strange

Let’s get back to the actual date.  Shortly after I met him, I dubbed him “the professor” in my mind because he just seemed like that boring teacher everyone has had at one point in life who had a serious stick up his ass and everything out of his mouth was always said in a very matter-of-fact tone.  He looked exactly like his pictures (which is a good thing), but it took less than five minutes for me to know that this was not going to go anywhere romantically.  Still, we had just met, and I had to spend at least SOME time with him.  So we decided to just walk around the area.  We wandered through a few smaller parks and squares until eventually we came to a statue.  He wanted to stop and read about it – which we did – and then he got REALLY into it and continued to say his thoughts out loud to himself (or maybe to me, but I didn’t contribute anything to his musings).  In my opinion, he was a bit overexcited, but whatever.  I already knew I wasn’t into him, so I just hung in there.

I knew it was time to head back and end this date when the next thing happened.  He started walking really slowly, then started looking all over the ground.  I asked him if he lost something, and his response was, “I’m just admiring the brickwork of this sidewalk.”

okay cool whatever

The date ended up lasting 40 minutes.  As we said our goodbyes, he said he didn’t have to go quite yet… but I told him I needed to go back into the office and get some work done (lies).  I never heard from this guy again after that.

Only 15 minutes after this date ended, I left for the second date of the night.