OKCupid Asks, “Would You Dump Someone Simply Because They Weren’t Good at Sex?”

Excellent question. Prior to the last guy I dated in 2014, my answer was “No.” His answer was “Yes.”

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I’ve since changed my answer…and he might want to consider doing the same.

Date #1: Dread to Excitement

As I mentioned in #1 of my reflections of 2014, I surprisingly have a tendency to be NOT picky enough when it comes to who I go on online dates with because all too often I agree to meet up with someone only to find myself dreading leaving my apartment to go see him. This was one of those times…but to my surprise, it didn’t have the same usual lackluster ending.  Per usual, I wasn’t crazy attracted to him from the start, but he had scruff and was taller than me, so there was potential. And sure enough, as we started talking I grew to actually find him more attractive. Maybe it was the wine we were guzzling, but I felt like we were really clicking. Not sure if any of you follow me on Twitter, but here’s a snippet of a few Picky Dater thoughts from that night (read from bottom to top):

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We ended up staying at the bar for a solid three hours and there was never a dull moment in the conversation. Believe it or not, I left that date wanting to go on a second one.

excited baby

Date #2: Hungover to Drunk Again

So I guess I’ll let my tweets set the stage again (read bottom to top):

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Aside from the observation that I have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with SVU, hopefully one of your takeaways from this is “OMG the Picky Dater might not be asexual!”  Anyways, a quick summary on what exactly happened on Date #2:

By the time noon came around that Sunday and it was time for me to meet him, my hangover was in full force.  I was considering canceling, but it was way too close to the time we had planned on aaaaand his suggestion for the date was ice cream which was enough to get me out the door.  Ideally, I would have left my place wearing sweats with my hair up in a messy bun, but I decided to be a normal human being and look put-together for this date.

hair whip

We met at a local coffee shop and immediately: WTF Are You Wearing?!  He stole my hungover look and was wearing a fucking hoodie.  And not just any hoodie. It was a purple hoodie. With a massive anchor on it. All he needed were some gym shorts and he would’ve been right up there with the Boston Hater‘s fashion sense.

After the coffee shop, this guy, his hoodie, and I all set off to find this new ice cream shop in the city.  Along the way, we passed a mediocre Mexican restaurant, and he SWORE he read that this place was recognized for having the best fries in the city.  Because, you know, everyone knows that McDonald’s biggest french fry competitors are Mexican restaurants.  He was so sure of it that we went in, and the wait staff had the same reaction as me and thought he needed to get his head examined.  Obviously he was wrong, but now we had reason to get some chips and guac.  We stayed there for a solid 2-3 hours, my hangover passed, we ate lunch, and soon enough I had a margarita in front of me and I was drinking again.

cant say no to tequila

From the Mexican place we FINALLY went to get ice cream.  Once we finished, we went to ANOTHER coffee shop followed by a local bar where we watched football until at least 10pm.  Yep, it was a full-day date… and I was in no rush to leave.  He walked me back to my place, had a quick makeout sesh (outside of my apartment), and we parted ways.

Date #3: From Best Date in a LONG Time to a Really SMALL Ending

By the time we met up for our third date, I felt like I had known this guy for a while and that we had been out way more than just two times prior.  It was a Friday night and we went to a fancy sushi place followed by a fancy bar where we got fancy dessert.  It was honestly the most legit date I have been on in… I don’t even know how long.  So to recap the scene: I was still totally into this guy, we had an amazing date, and he was getting super handsy at the last bar… so I didn’t put up a fight when he suggested we go back to his place.  We started making out, blah blah blah, but his pants were still on.  It seemed like a while for us to make it to the bedroom, and when we did, you can imagine what happened.

wink

Wait.

hold up wait

No.

no im shocked

No. Actually, no you cannot.

NO

The only other time I’ve referenced the “Bedroom Embarrassment” dating problem was with the wailing Aussie, and in that post I said how his size was disappointing but that I wouldn’t go there.  Well, I HAVE to go there this time.  I hate to do it because I feel bad for guys because while girls can go get boob jobs or ass implants, I don’t think there’s much men can do about their size (but I could be wrong, I have no idea).  And just so all of you don’t think I simply have unrealistic expectations, I looked up the average size of a man’s erect penis, and he was about half the size of the the low-average length according to all the articles I read.  We tried again in the morning – “tried” being the key word.  For all I know, he may have felt quite accomplished.  I, on the other hand, was trying to figure out if he was ever inside me.  Yeah… that’s what it was like.  And no… he wasn’t able to make up for it by being really great at anything else.

Date #3.5: One Last Shot

I was obviously really disappointed after Date #3, but because I genuinely had started liking him before that, I didn’t want to just hang up my hat immediately.  So that Sunday, instead of heading right home after leaving my friend’s place, I stopped over to see him with the intention of giving it another go. We did… aaaand put simply, I thought he was still trying to get hard by the time he finished. I stuck around to watch a movie with him afterwards, but when he tried putting moves on me again, I had zero desire to even make out with him. I was frustrated and just wanted to go home. So I did.

dont wanna be here

It was a shitty situation.  I’ve actually had this post completed and ready to go for over a month but was hesitant to publish it because it was such a shitty situation. Aside from his purple sweatshirt, the problem that ended things isn’t anything like all the other “dating problems” which actually have the possibility of being remedied. So there’s that. Also, before anyone goes off on me about how there are probably plenty of ways to work around this size problem, I do have to add one thing: before sleeping with him, if you asked me if I would want to be exclusive with him, then I absolutely would’ve said no. Even though I was growing to like him, there was still something missing. Who knows, I may have been able to find that X Factor if I continued to see him and the sex was good, but the issues in the bedroom set me so off that developing those feelings further seemed impossible. As frustrated as I was about it all, I would have to imagine that he felt the same way or more. I was as nice as possible when I called it finito, and I really do wish him well because he was a great guy.  But hey, let’s all remember that according to his OKC profile, he would’ve been just as quick to kick me to the curb for similar reasons.

And that (finally) wraps up 2014.

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Adrian Grenier’s Doppelgänger

To finally close the loop on the dates I listed in a post I made near the end of October, here is my update on the Adrian Grenier lookalike.

adrian grenier lookalike

If you remember that post, then you’ll recall that we were about to go out on our third date. Spoiler alert: that was my last date with him. I’ll indulge you on our short-lived, almost-but-not-really-close-at-all romance; however, I’ll also admit upfront that there’s no crazy or hilarious stories. This is just another one of your classic Picky Dater apathetic/asexual dating tales.

Date #1: No Problems, but No Butterflies
The first date went well in that he didn’t give me any reasons to NOT go out with him again. He looked like his pictures, he overestimated his height by only two inches max, and we had plenty to talk about. He was also such a gentleman with the tab: he paid for everything even though he had gone well out of his way (in the pouring rain!) to meet at a bar that was convenient for me. We even kissed goodbye, and it was actually the most natural and not awkward first kiss I’ve had in a while. Despite all this, I just didn’t feel those butterflies that seem to be necessary for me to get excited for a second date. Here’s how I explained it to one of my close friends:

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Pretty apathetic, huh? Well, if you keep up with me, then you know the reason I agreed to a second date is all thanks to this guy.

Date #2: Good but Not Great
The place he suggested for our second date was no more than three minutes walking from my apartment, and so it was convenient enough to lock me into next plans. It was pretty much a repeat of our first date in that (once again) he gave me no reasons to NOT go out with him again. He was interesting, smart, and hardworking. I insisted on paying for everything, which he did let me do (to be clear: I wanted to pay for it, so I’m not knocking him for this).  We kissed goodbye again, and it was definitely a great second kiss. But for whatever reason, my feelings for him were still very blahhh.

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Date 3: Drinks on Drinks on Drinks
For the third date, I finally went to his neck of the woods. Because I was coming from the gym, I was a total bag lady and asked if I could leave my workout stuff at his place (we were meeting at his apartment anyways, so it didn’t involve any change in plans). I did that, and we went to a Mexican place a few blocks away. Thankfully he was absolutely nothing like the picky eater, and so I was able to enjoy some pretty decent guac and this coconut chicken and salsa entrée (not exactly sure what it was, but it was pretty great). After that – and a few margs – we went to a bar a few doors down. Three or four more drinks later, we were walking back to his place, making out along the sidewalk every few minutes like two teenagers who can’t makeout at home because they still live with their parents. Once at his apartment, we made out, played darts, made out some more, and he tried to convince me to stay the night.  It was semi-tempting but my desire to do that was trumped by how much I didn’t want to deal with waking up early enough to get back to my apartment and still get to work on time. So that was the end of that date.

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The Almost Next Dates
Since I was out of town that weekend and he was in California for work the entire week after that, we set loose plans for the following week.  By the time that came around, I wasn’t feeling too up for it, but I figured since I hadn’t had sex in months I’d just go on this date, stay the night with him, and maybe that would make me like him more – or, at the very least I would get laid. But when it came down to the day of our date, I still wasn’t looking forward to it enough. Add that to the fact that I had a horrible headache, and so I just called him and told him I wasn’t feeling well and we’d have to take a rain check.

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After I bailed on date #4, I suggested that we try to meet up while we were out on Friday. But when Friday came around, I just didn’t feel like having him join me and my friends… plus my friend’s attractive co-worker was out with us soooo that had my attention more than the Adrian doppelgänger did.  I ended up putting my phone on airplane mode so his calls and texts wouldn’t go through and so that he did not necessarily think I was ignoring him. (Yes, I recognize that that was a completely pathetic tactic.) Once I was home and off airplane mode, I saw that he had texted me. I never ended up texting him back.

ignore it go away

About a month and a half later, I ran into a friend that I knew had run track with this guy back in college. I mentioned how we had gone on a few dates and also made sure I said nothing but good things about him (which wasn’t hard since it’s not like I had anything really bad to say). The next day the Entourage lookalike texted me. After a little small talk, it led to this:

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Although I used to be all about the fade away, lately I do make a point to let the guys know and offer some sort of explanation.  But for whatever reason, I just didn’t do it with this guy, and so I was happy I got a second chance to put a close to it. He didn’t respond, but I didn’t expect him to. And yeah… that was that. I told you it wasn’t a very exciting story.

So after all of that, I think it just became that much more obvious that it’s really difficult to force yourself to like someone, especially in an online dating situation. I kept going on more dates with this guy because I didn’t not like him, not because I did actually like him. Had we gotten to know each other through a more organic situation such as meeting and hanging out through friends… then who knows? But it’s a lot tougher when every scenario that you meet up is a bonafide date.  That’s my schpeel.

Ron Swanson Not Interested

And if ya’ll are interested, here’s a podcast that I really liked on the subject of having (or not having) butterflies: Dating Butterflies: Are They Necessary?

Serial Dating in Cuffing Season

It might just be coincidence, but I’m beginning to notice a pattern where my interest level in dating seems to change with the seasons.  Just around the time when the weather was becoming somewhat tolerable, I stopped dating.   Now that the weather is getting shitty out, I’m not only dating again…but I’m dating a lot.  Apparently this is “cuffing season” and apparently I am giving into it. Within the last two weeks, I’ve been on six dates:

  1. 10/16 – Date with the Hinge guy who looks like Adrian Grenier
  2. 10/20 – Date with the touchy guy who chased me into the subway for a kiss
  3. 10/21 (5:30pm) – Date with the moccasin-wearing admirer of sidewalks
  4. 10/21 (6:45pm) – Date with the pickiest eater alive
  5. 10/22 – Second date with the Hinge guy
  6. TONIGHT – Third date (!!!!) with the Adrian Grenier doppelgänger

Expect some upcoming posts about each of these guys… with the exception of the one I’m still dating because obvi he hasn’t had too many dating issues since I’m still agreeing to go out with him (and because it would kind of suck if I started to actually really like him and then he found a judgmental post I’d written about him for all of the internet world to see).  But hey, tonight could end up being a total disaster, in which case, there will absolutely be a post up about him in the near future!  Oh this dating thing sure can be fun…. evil laugh