My First Awkward First Date

Near the end of April, I connected with a guy on OKCupid, and he was the last person I met up with during the first half of 2014.  Actually, at the time of me writing this post, he remains to be the last person I went on an online date with.

On paper, this guy was phenomenal, and I was thinking it would be a match made in heaven. He was attractive, smart, athletic, and seemed to not take himself way too seriously. When he recommended that we watch the sunset as part of our date, I thought it was a bit bizarre but appreciated that it was a nice change from the typical drinks-at-a-bar scene. But of course, it rained… so that’s exactly what we ended up doing anyways.

I will be honest, I can’t really attach any problems to this guy. While I found myself less attracted to him than I anticipated I’d be, it wasn’t because he looked different than his profile photos. He was really smart and also semi-interesting. He asked me about myself. He paid for the drinks. No red flags here.

thumbs up

So… why was the date so awkward? I truly can’t put my finger on it. We just really didn’t seem to mesh well. Perhaps it was because we didn’t have a TON in common. Perhaps it was because we were mutually just not super into each other. Perhaps it was a number of things. However, I’ve had plenty of dates where these factors were in play, and I managed to take control of the date and the conversation to make it a first date worthy of me being asked out for a second date (which, in those cases, I would decline).

So what was it? What happened, and why couldn’t I manage to pull out my first date charm? I’m convinced that a significant factor was that I was just over dating at that point. It was getting exhausting and not something I wanted to do anymore. It was clear to me early on that I didn’t see things with this guy panning out, and in a way, I checked out. Pair that with the fact that I don’t think he saw things working out with me either, and it resulted in a very blahhh kind of date.

Unsurprisingly, neither of us reached out to each other after we parted. I then swore off dating for a while. I deleted my dating apps and dropped off the face of the online dating world. I had even been texting another OKCupid guy at the time, and I just stopped responding. I was so over it, and I ended up taking a nice break from dating strangers.

just over it

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Dating Because I Want to… Not Because I Need to

It’s been over a month since my last blog post and almost equally the same amount of time since I deleted all of my dating apps and decided to take a hiatus from dating in general.  Part of the reason I did this was because I was just sick of having one lackluster date after another, but the main reason was because I was finding myself having less and less time to do the “me” things I wanted to do during the week.  Looking back at the multiple month dating spree I went on, I realized that my time at the gym, meeting up with different girlfriends, and just hanging out at the apartment with my roommates had definitely been reduced; however, this didn’t bother me at the time because going on dates was something I wanted to do.  Once summer started to round the corner – and the dates I was going on continued to be unsuccessful – my idea of what was making me happy shifted.  Rather than spending time with guys in the hopes of making a connection, I wanted to spend more time with me.

I am a thorough believer in the idea that you need to love yourself first before you can ever expect to really be in love with someone else.  I have been single for three years now, and there have certainly been up’s and down’s throughout that time.  But I can confidently say that I know who I am, who I want to be, and what makes me happy.  Sure, I’m definitely a girl in her 20s who still needs to figure out a lot about life, but I don’t need a man to make me recognize my self-worth.  Even when I go on these dating binges, I make sure to not lose touch with myself.  So when I decided to take a break from dating, it wasn’t because I felt as though I was losing connection with myself.  Instead, it was simply just that spending time with guys I barely knew stopped being something I wanted to do.  In other words, it is important that dating a guy is never something I NEED.

i don't need a man

Be responsible for your own happiness.  You do you and don’t let someone else do it for you.  If you want to date, then date.  If you don’t want to, then don’t.  Being happy with yourself doesn’t mean that the man/woman of your dreams will just fall from the sky and want to be with you (although that would be really convenient!).  But if you put some effort into it and do find the right person, then you want to make sure your happiness is not dependent on him/her.  When you are happy and in love, it is easy to think that it will last forever…and hopefully it will!  But you never know what will happen.  Not to be a cynic, but divorce happens, death happens, life happens.  If you are lucky enough to find the person that makes you the most happy, but then something happens and you find yourself alone, then it is critical to be able to know what completes you when you are not part of a unit.  Have your own life, and hopefully you will find someone who fits perfectly into it and is there forever.

love yourself

Perhaps this contributes to why I am picky, but I am okay with it.